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What Every Empty Nest Parent Needs to Know (Part 3)

What Every Empty Nest Parent Needs to Know (Part 3)

Last updated on: September 5, 2023 at 5:00 am by Shaunti Feldhahn

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What Every Empty Nest Parent Needs to Know (Part 3) 2023-09-04T20:57:59-04:00 Shaunti Feldhahn

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Action step #3: Pursue each other

Remember when you were dating your spouse, and you couldn’t wait until the next time you talked? (Some of us remember a landline. In the living room. With a cord attached to the wall.) Empty nest is a great time to go back to the beginning. To pursue our spouse again. To let them know we want their time, attention, and sexual intimacy.

Those of you who have read my new book, Secrets of Sex & Marriage, probably giggled with me at the opening story of Jackie and Trent – a 12-year married couple with three kids who had a delightful, playful relationship (even the police officers who stopped them thought so)! Their brush with the law notwithstanding, Jackie and Trent illustrate a powerful principle. They pursue each other.

Empty nest can be like a new season of dating. The specifics of how we pursue each other will look very different for each couple, but the why it’s important is clearly outlined in our research.

As I wrote in For Women Only, men are powerfully driven by the need to feel desired by their wives. If they feel like their wives truly want them sexually, they feel alive, powerful, confident, and loved. (If they don’t, they feel … depressed. And many women, of course, feel that same way.)

In our For Men Only research, we found that women are driven by a longing for closeness and affirmation of our man’s love. (Guys, when is the last time you sent your wife a text message telling her you love her – and why? Try it!)

So, there we have it: Put our pointer fingers away (unless we’re pointing out the good stuff), spend time together, and pursue each other. That’s a really good start, and many of you have other good ideas. So: what has enlivened your marriage in the empty nest years? I’d love to hear from you in the comments. (If you’re reading this in my weekly email, click over to the blog to share your thoughts.)

And in the meantime, remember: There were no children in the garden. Adam and Eve enjoyed sweet fellowship with each other and God before kids came along. Maybe it’s time for us to go back to the beginning, too.

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August 29, 2023

What Every Empty Nest Parent Needs to Know (Part 2)

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