Do you need to let go of control in your marriage?

Last updated on: November 3, 2022 at 5:00 am by Shaunti Feldhahn

Do you need to let go of control in your marriage? 2022-11-02T19:07:26-04:00 Shaunti Feldhahn

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Different Than Me

Twenty-six years in, I still don’t understand his need to decompress after work. But in my quest to become a respectful, understanding wife, it’s been helpful to consider the ways we’re different—not just in an opposites-attract sort of way, but also in a different-by-design way.

Have you ever noticed that God made Adam out of the ground, then gave him the assignment of working the ground? But in forming Eve, God reached—not for another handful of dirt, but for one of Adam’s ribs. She was made from Adam and for Adam (Gen. 2:20, 22). Even her body—which was able to receive her husband and nurture life—tells the story of her relational design. Once again, when God passes out consequences after their sin, He highlights Adam’s and Eve’s differences: He will now toil in his work, but she will suffer pain in her relationships.

Am I saying that men aren’t relational or women don’t work? Not at all. But understanding that we’ve been formed differently is helpful to me, as a wife who’s learning to understand. No wonder I take things more personally than he does. No wonder the things I crave and grieve over in our relationship makes no sense to him. And no wonder his relationship to his work—including his coffee shop decompression stops—remains a mystery to me. We’re different. By design.

The truth is, I know my husband really does love me. There’s a good chance yours loves you, as well. When we choose control in marriage, we communicate disrespect and push our husbands away. But when we respectfully make room for differences and try to understand, we allow our husbands the pleasure of being successful—not just at work, but at home with us as well.

From the platform, page, and podcast mic, Shannon Popkin invites women to drink deeply of God’s story, and live like it’s true. Shannon’s books include Comparison Girl, and Control Girl, and she hosts the “Live Like It’s True” podcast. Shannon has been featured on FamilyLife Today, Revive Our Hearts, and Proverbs 31.

Shannon is happy to be sharing life with Ken, who makes her laugh every day. Together, they have the joy of watching their three young-adult kids become the amazing people God created them to be.

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