Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
Family, Parenting and Religion
A Different Perspective on Teens—and How to Talk to Them

A Different Perspective on Teens—and How to Talk to Them

Last updated on: April 5, 2022 at 12:15 am by Shaunti Feldhahn

A Different Perspective on Teens—and How to Talk to Them 2022-04-04T20:01:08-04:00 Shaunti Feldhahn

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Let’s discuss and model with our teens the concept of “wrong versus wise.”

In a series of interviews recently, I became aware of a young man who I will call Jason. Jason is 17 years old, a Junior in high school, and is unfortunately part of a risk-taking crowd at his school—a group of about 15 boys who have been friends since elementary school. They all play on the football team together—and they often get together on weekends to drink and smoke weed at whichever house doesn’t have parental oversight that weekend.

Here’s the amazing thing: while everyone around him is getting high, Jason abstains. He will still spend these evenings with the only long-time friends he has, but he doesn’t engage in the risky behavior. And he wants to go to college and find other friends who will help him live a better life.

Why? What is leading him to this choice?

It seems highly related to the fact that his parents have worked to come alongside him and create a real relationship that is marked by mutual respect. I’m sure his parents wish he wasn’t at these parties, but they don’t prevent him from going. They have instead spent the last years purposefully doing things together with him (hobbies, hiking, trips) and trying to model and discuss character and wise choices in the midst of temptation.

Now, some may disagree with the parents’ decision to allow him to hang out with those friends. Others may counter that a 17-year old could figure out how to see them anyway, and he needs to learn to make good choices even when surrounded by those who are not. But regardless, there is one method employed by Jason’s parents that is important to consider. While writing my book, For Parents Only, I discovered how much it impacted kids when their parents moved beyond the “easy” discussion of “wrong versus right” and instead modeled and discussed the concept of “wrong versus wise.”

It is essential to draw our kids into a conversation that will help them internalize the reason for the rules: “Why do you think the rules exist?” “Do you think that rules are enough to bring change?” “How can someone resist an unhealthy temptation even if there isn’t a “rule” against it?” The kids will eventually articulate what you most want them to “get”: The rule ultimately exists because of the need to do what is wise and healthy for my life and the lives of others. It’s against the rules to drive 100mph, but the main reason to avoid it isn’t just the “rule” but because I might kill myself or other people. And here’s how I can resist that temptation when my friends start road racing.

Yes, we as parents have to be wise too. But part of that wisdom comes from celebrating our kids’ wise choices and victories and not harping on the video games or social media use that we wish were different. Our kids need to be equipped to counter temptation and feel that they can do so—and part of that is being celebrated and noticed when they do. As those who follow Christ, if we are living out our faith in an authentic way, our kids will learn to be wise.Whether they, too, choose to follow Jesus and actually make the wise choices will be up to them. But the chances are much greater if we engage with them and praise them for the good character they are showing.

Improve your relationships with simple, actionable steps backed by proven research! Visit SurprisingHope.com to learn about our courses.

Do you want Shaunti to share these life-changing truths at your church or event? Send us a speaking inquiry request today!

Please note: This post contains affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate we earn a small amount from qualifying purchases through these affiliate links. This doesn’t cost you anything.

Previous Post

March 29, 2022

What I’m Loving - March 2022

Next Post

April 12, 2022 3 Ways Fictional Marriages can Sabotage Real Ones—and How to Get it Right

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Christmas church current events dissent Editor's Choice family gifts growth humor kindness marriage men money news other parenting personal personal sex singleness teenagers Uncategorized women work

Select a Month September 2025 August 2025 June 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 February 2025 January 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What was the role of the "scribe" against whom Jesus often taught?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Interpreter of the law Temple guard Tax collector Soldier

Books by This Author Books by Shaunti Feldhahn

See All Titles »