Sports Parents, Here’s What Coaches Want You To Know

Last updated on: September 9, 2021 at 4:00 am by Shaunti Feldhahn

Sports Parents, Here’s What Coaches Want You To Know 2021-09-08T16:41:55-04:00 Shaunti Feldhahn

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If your child (or you) has something to say, do not say it right after a game! Help your child learn good judgment about the right time and place to get better results.

As one varsity coach said: “I can guarantee you that immediately after the game is NOT when most coaches want to think about anything you want to share. Set up a meeting.” The coaches mentioned the internal groan they experience when they see a parent (or child) marching toward them with purpose in their eyes, regardless of whether they won or lost.

As one coach said, “Look, even the most calm, steady coach is going to be riled up from the match or the game. And you as a parent are riled up because whatever happened sparked your emotions. You are thinking, ‘I want my baby to play, not sit on the bench!’ or whatever it is. No one is going to be able to process things well in that situation. It is better to calm down, go home, then send an email or text asking for the meeting. You’ll automatically set yourself up for better results, and teach your children an important lesson about being willing to wait rather than having to discuss it RIGHT NOW.”

When you do (or your child does) have that discussion, come prepared, rather than signaling that preparation doesn’t matter . . . and neither does this meeting.

The coaches were unanimous: if you or your child haven’t thought through what you want to share, and how, you’ve signaled that this issue isn’t important enough to you to warrant that step. And you’ve taught your child that they can blunder into important situations without preparation, hoping they will work out . . . which is exactly the opposite of what the coaches are constantly trying to teach the athletes!

As one coach put it, “One young man came in to ask me for a different role on the team. It was a big ask, but it was clear he had thought it through. He had notes written out on his phone, and he systematically went through his list of things he wanted to discuss. It was great. I didn’t immediately agree, and a week later, his dad asked for a meeting, and when he came in with his son, he too had clearly thought things through. I respected that, and it shows they respect my time.” The coach smiled ruefully. “I couldn’t change my decision at this point in the season but I did tell them how much I respected the boy’s passion about this and I promised I would definitely take a look at switching him next year.”

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