Is Your Insecurity Making You a Controlling and Disconnected Spouse?

Last updated on: July 22, 2021 at 4:00 am by Shaunti Feldhahn

Is Your Insecurity Making You a Controlling and Disconnected Spouse? 2021-07-21T23:50:58-04:00 Shaunti Feldhahn

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Solution #5: Take practical steps to deal with your insecurities—and enjoy the rewards of a happy marriage

What practical steps would make a difference for you? For example, if you find yourself “checking up,” how can you change that to “checking in” in a way that will build the relationship with your spouse instead of tearing it down?

In Kristin’s case, she started touching base with Dan periodically during the workday without an ulterior motive or logistical need—to just say hi or share some encouragement. They also agreed that they needed to spend more time together just connecting, so they placed a cut-off on discussing family logistics after 9 p.m. They prioritized putting some fun activities for just the two of them on their shared calendar, with no kids invited.

With more quality connecting time, Kristin found her attitude changing and her emotions settling. With that and the help of counseling to deal with the underlying insecurity, the vicious cycle gradually lost its grip.

So what steps would break the power of an unhealthy cycle of insecurity for you? Negative habits aren’t always easy to break, but it can be done—and it is so worth it! And as you deal with your insecurities—both the emotions you experience and any harmful behaviors they may be triggering—you are far more likely to truly build and enjoy a healthy, happy marriage.

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