Is Your Insecurity Making You a Controlling and Disconnected Spouse?

Last updated on: July 22, 2021 at 4:00 am by Shaunti Feldhahn

Is Your Insecurity Making You a Controlling and Disconnected Spouse? 2021-07-21T23:50:58-04:00 Shaunti Feldhahn

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Solution #1: Seek counseling to help stop a dangerous trend

Depending on your level of insecurity, and the behavior it’s triggering, you might need advice and help from a qualified counselor. And that means help for you, not just your marriage. To some degree, feelings of insecurity are understandable… but you may be at a point where you are bringing about the very problems you fear.

If that is the case, it is essential to seek qualified help to work through that insecurity, so you don’t allow it to drive you further into unhealthy worries and actions. I told Kristin that a counselor could also be an objective voice to figure out whether the situation with the female colleague was or wasn’t an issue worth being concerned about. In Kristin’s case, she eventually acknowledged, the worry was all in her head. Her husband had done nothing to cause a red flag and was always transparent—and yet it didn’t put Kristin’s mind at rest. She was going deeper and deeper into controlling behavior that was itself causing real marriage issues.

She needed a counselor to help her arrest that cycle. And if you, too, realize that there is no external reason for your insecurity and you need to make a change, a counselor can help you with that.

Like Kristin, perhaps you are letting your thoughts run away with you for no reason. If so, it is essential to learn the skill of taking your thoughts captive. As the Bible puts it, a huge part of confronting problems in this broken world means that “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” (You can find that in 2 Corinthians 10:5.)

A good counselor can help you do all of that.

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