Joy Comes In the Morning: It’s OK to Resolve Your Disagreement Tomorrow

Last updated on: May 13, 2021 at 4:00 am by Shaunti Feldhahn

Joy Comes In the Morning: It’s OK to Resolve Your Disagreement Tomorrow 2021-05-12T22:18:15-04:00 Shaunti Feldhahn

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Dealing with the issue the next day can result in a better outcome.

The counselors I have consulted with all agree: Sometimes the stress of work, family, and finances simply leaves spouses too drained to work things out fairly. In fact, the pressure to resolve it right now may actually be even less fair on a husband who, like most men, may need a bit of time to process what he’s thinking and feeling so he can truly feel heard … and so both of you can get to a better resolution (and better communication) the next day.

And that, it turns out, is the key difference between the happiest marriages and those that are struggling: Highly happy couples sometimes go to bed with the issue unresolved, but if that issue is still a concern the next day, they deal with it. By contrast, many of the troubled couples slept on an issue … but were much more likely to just ignore it the next day, hoping it went away.

So the next time you’re up late—like Drake and Emily—bleary-eyed and weary from trying to bring closure to an issue with your spouse, don’t feel guilty about getting a little shut-eye. Chances are, you’ll see more clearly in the morning. There’s even a good possibility that the issue you were at odds over won’t seem quite so important when you revisit it after a good night’s rest. So go ahead and sleep on it, anticipating the joy of reconciliation and resolution that can come in the morning.

Enjoyed this article? Visit www.shaunti.com for articles and research on marriage, parenting, and more!

Are you and your spouse having disagreements about your finances? Check out Thriving in Love and Money, the latest research book by Shaunti & Jeff Feldhahn. Know yourself. Know your spouse. Do money well—together.

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