Planning Your (Delayed) Wedding? Focus on What Really Matters.

Last updated on: September 12, 2020 at 12:46 pm by Shaunti Feldhahn

Planning Your (Delayed) Wedding? Focus on What Really Matters. 2020-09-12T12:46:39-04:00 Shaunti Feldhahn

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Allow Yourself To Grieve What You’re Missing

Every couple wants their wedding day to be the most special day of their lives. Even during normal times, that’s a lot to ask of an event. In a time when things are far from normal, serious adjustments may have to be made. Like the couple I mentioned earlier, you may have to even hold a wedding without some loved ones you’re longing to have present.

Give yourself permission to grieve what you are missing.

In the course of our current research project, Jeff and I are working closely with a very experienced marriage and family therapist. I was startled to hear him say that most of the work of a counselor is grief work: for example, helping a couple find a healthy way to grieve what isn’t and move toward joy in what is.

If you’re having a hard time with the reality of setting aside years of beautiful Pinterest board desires, your anticipated guest list, and many years of wedding expectations, tell yourself that it is okay to grieve those things. It’s okay to be sad and disappointed.

Then tell yourself that it is only part of the story. Even if you were to wait for the perfect day, even if you plan things perfectly, things will never truly be perfect. And the bigger story—the truly beautiful story—is what we said earlier. Things won’t be perfect, but you’ll be married!

Always keep in mind the timeless truth: You’re going to be a bride for one day, but you’re going to be a wife for the rest of your life.

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