What he’s thinking when you frown

Last updated on: April 19, 2018 at 11:04 am by Shaunti Feldhahn

What he’s thinking when you frown 2018-04-19T11:04:56-04:00 Shaunti Feldhahn

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His first thought: “I’m failing you as a husband.”

Every man wants to make his wife happy. According to our surveys for The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages, that is one of THE motivating factors for the vast majority of men. I will confess that I originally felt it was disingenuous when heard men say, “I just want to make my wife happy.” I assumed they were only saying that because they felt they were supposed to.

And then somewhere along the way, I realized: they actually MEAN it! And it isn’t just that a man loves his wife and thus wants her to be happy in some stand-alone way. No… HE wants to be good at getting her to the point where she is happy and satisfied, and feels secure and loved.

We women so easily forget that our man has a deep, secret insecurity about whether he is any good at what he tries to do. One of the main, secret, questions in his heart is “Am I any good as a husband to you?” And in his mind, that question is answered by whether you are happy – or not.

So as you can imagine, a man is powerfully motivated to see you smile, not frown. A frown means that you aren’t happy – and thus that he failed at his most important duty.

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