5 Steps to Make Your Marriage Explode (in a Good Way!)

Last updated on: September 26, 2019 at 10:13 am by Shaunti Feldhahn

5 Steps to Make Your Marriage Explode (in a Good Way!) 2019-09-26T10:13:25-04:00 Shaunti Feldhahn

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Step 2: Learnt little things that most hurt or heal your spouse’s feelings — not yours.

I spoke at a women’s lunch yesterday and shared a few truths about men and relationships that women tend to not realize. And in the book signing line afterward I heard, yet again, from a sweet single mom, the saddest thing I routinely hear: “If I had known just a few of these things two years ago, I wouldn’t be divorced right now.”

There are so many marriages that are suffering from something as tragically stupid as a lack of a little information: especially about what most hurts or heals the feelings of the opposite sex*.* And gaining just a little new knowledge about those things that hurt or heal our mate’s feelings are often life-changing!

Tweet this: Gaining just a little new knowledge about those things that hurt or heal our mate’s feelings is often life-changing!

For example, ladies, we don’t realize that men look all strong and confident – and can be absolutely crushed by what seem like minor words of criticism that we toss out without thinking. (“I can’t believe you forgot to give Parker his lunch box for school today!” “Did you even look at how wrinkled the clothes were getting when you crammed them in the drawers?”) Why? Because unlike us, men live with a deep-seated doubt about whether they measure up. Feeling inadequate is, statistically, the most painful feeling a man can feel. Those sorts of off-the-cuff statements wouldn’t bother us in quite the same way, so we simply don’t realize how much they hurt his feelings—or how often we say them.

On the other hand, men, you can crush your wife without realizing it, by (for example) working a gazillion hours to provide for your family and not realizing that, statistically, your wife would probably trade off the extra money and extra stuff if it just meant she could get more of you. Instead, you sacrifice going to Parker’s soccer games to provide more for the family—and don’t see how deeply your constant absences hurt her heart.

Once we learn what matters most – not to us but to our spouse – suddenly we will see every day how a few simple changes will make a big difference. (I don’t want to make this a commercial, but truly, the simple information in For Women Only and For Men Only is often enough all on its own.)

Go back Continue Reading

Previous Post

November 8, 2017

Love and Laughter: How Humor Can Ease Relationship Tension

Next Post

November 21, 2017 The Secret to Enjoying a Conflict-Free Holiday

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Christmas church current events dissent Editor's Choice family gifts growth humor kindness marriage men money news other parenting personal personal sex singleness teenagers Uncategorized women work

Select a Month September 2025 August 2025 June 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 February 2025 January 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

According to Philippians, whose name is above every name?

Select your answer to see how you score.

God Christ The Lord Jesus

Books by This Author Books by Shaunti Feldhahn

See All Titles »