How to Respect An Imperfect Husband

Last updated on: September 30, 2019 at 8:19 pm by Shaunti Feldhahn

How to Respect An Imperfect Husband 2019-09-30T20:19:40-04:00 Shaunti Feldhahn

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

I often suggest the 30-Day Kindness Challenge to women in your situation. First, for the next 30 days don’t say anything negative about your husband… either to him or about him to someone else. Not your mom, not your best girlfriend, no one.

Let me repeat that, so you really ‘get it’: Say nothing negative about him.

At all.

And second, every day for the next 30 days, find one thing positive that he has done that you can praise or thank him for, and tell him, and tell at least one other person.

Third, do one small act of kindness or generosity for him daily.

The beauty of our psychological wiring is that our feelings follow our words and actions, and so the more you focus on what you are dissatisfied with, the more dissatisfied you will be. But the more you focus on the positive, the more you will see and be struck by the truly wonderful things about your husband. The more you will, in fact, respect him!

This may not be easy for you — there’s a reason I call this a “challenge.” But in the end this sort of process is one of the only ways to change what you think and do.

I hope in the end, that after the 30 days you will find it so much easier to return to a true partnership where there is a give and take. Where you can see and affirm the positive, and recognize that some of the negative is simply a difference of opinion – and that some criticism can be communicated with grace or simply not mentioned at all. Remember that thirty days of ‘reform’ is not going to eradicate 14 years of criticism, so have realistic expectations. Even after the 30 days are over, you might have to be ultra-careful how you communicate criticism for the foreseeable future.

But hopefully, some major changes won’t take too long. Because as you continue to focus mostly on the positive, and thus make sure your husband knows that he is your hero – I’ll bet you’ll quickly be promoted from second fiddle to first string.

Want to know how to be kind, when you’re really not feeling it? My research uncovered three daily actions that will transform your relationships – and you. Check out The Kindness Challenge, now available!

Helping people thrive in life and relationships is Shaunti Feldhahn’s driving passion, supported by her research projects and writing. After starting out with a Harvard graduate degree and experience on Wall Street, her life took an unexpected shift into relationship research. She now is a popular speaker around the world and the author of best-selling books about men, women, and relationships. (Including For Women Only, For Men Only, and the groundbreaking The Good News About Marriage).

Her newest book, The Kindness Challenge, demonstrates that kindness is the answer to almost every life problem, and is sparking a much-needed movement of kindness across the country. Visit www.shaunti.com for more.

This article first appeared at Patheos.

Previous Post

June 2, 2017

This One Sneaky Trap Will Kill Your Marriage

Next Post

June 7, 2017 You Need to Know These 4 Pitfalls for Teenage Boys

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Christmas church current events dissent Editor's Choice family gifts growth humor kindness marriage men money news other parenting personal personal sex singleness teenagers Uncategorized women work

Select a Month September 2025 August 2025 June 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 February 2025 January 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What does Paul tell Timothy to flee from in 2 Timothy?

Select your answer to see how you score.

The love of money Evil desires of youth Persecution False teaching

Books by This Author Books by Shaunti Feldhahn

See All Titles »