Worn Out from Worry: How Can I Help My Wife Stop Obsessing?

Last updated on: September 30, 2019 at 4:24 pm by Shaunti Feldhahn

Worn Out from Worry: How Can I Help My Wife Stop Obsessing? 2019-09-30T16:24:26-04:00 Shaunti Feldhahn

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Dear Shaunti,

I love my wife, but it drives me crazy when she obsesses over something minor, like whether she forgot to send in the money for our son’s field trip, or whether her friend is mad at her because she didn’t return a call. I’ve tried to get her to see that it is making her crazy, too, but she keeps doing it. How can I get her to stop?

— Distracted by distraction

Dear Distracted by distraction,

Sorry, my friend, she’s probably not going to “stop” in quite the way you’d prefer because your wife has a female brain. Almost nine out of ten women on my surveys were the same: our brains are wired in such a way that we can’t just turn off thoughts that bother us. Our brains are almost like a computer desktop with a bunch of windows (thoughts, worries) open at once, and others that pop up and interrupt whatever we were already thinking about. And where a male brain is more likely to work on one thought at a time, and be able to close those concerns, that isn’t as easy for the female brain. Instead, we need to address (and hopefully resolve) a concern in order to close it out.

Here’s the good news for you: if you encourage her to take some action to resolve it, that will earn you major brownie points, and help her feel loved. Instead of “just don’t think about it,” try saying, “would it help to call the school to see if you sent in the money?” You’ll see relief on her face and the stress and tension melt away as she calls the school, and discovers that although she did forget to send the fee, the head office will still send your son on the field trip as long as she gets the money there by 5:00.

Work with her wiring, rather than against it, and you’ll not only reduce her frustration – you’ll reduce yours!

Do you want Shaunti to share these life-changing truths at your church or event? Inquire about Shaunti speaking, here.

Shaunti Feldhahn is the best-selling author of eye-opening, research-based books about men, women and relationships, including For Women Only, For Men Only, The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages and her newest, The Good News About Marriage. A Harvard-trained social researcher and popular speaker, her ﬁndings are regularly featured in media as diverse as The Today Show, Focus on the Family, and the New York Times. Visit www.shaunti.com for more.

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