On Boundaries

Last updated on: January 11, 2015 at 2:57 pm by Elizabeth Nordquist

On Boundaries 2015-01-11T14:57:25-08:00 Elizabeth Nordquist

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I have been flummoxed and baffled about the question of boundaries in a community of faith and in my own personal life. Recently I have been reminded of what happens in companies where boundaries have not been observed, ending in disarray and damage for all concerned. I have been wrestling with the discerning work of setting and observing boundaries. Does Jesus have something to say about this; is there a pattern of his behavior that I can use as a template for my own struggle?

A cursory look at Christian scripture does not immediately make things clear. On the one hand, Gods compassion enacted by faithful people is inclusive; people who have been habitually and ritually shut out are welcomed in to the family of God. On the other hand, there are strong words about sheep and goats and not hanging out with those who are not practitioners of gospel behavior. Yet my encounters in the lives of faith communities has shown me that rigid rules don’t always help me. So what is the Rule of Love with regard to boundaries? In today’s North American middle class worlds, we have been informed by the worlds of psychology and business management whose teachings are that human beings in systems need to be scrutinized for appropriate behavior for the sake of individuals and systems. Personal freedom is important for us in the United States, but the choices of individuals affect the welfare and integrity of the community as well.

After much pondering, I think of the story of Jesus’ last night before his death recorded in the gospel of John. He is at the Passover meal with his disciples. The gospeller writes, “Having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end.” (Jn. 13:1a) What he did next was an act of love. Then, Jesus is characterized as having a clear sense of who he was, where his life stood in God in that very moment–God had given all things into his hand; he had come from God and was going to God. With love in place, with his identity in God in place, he washes the feet of the disciples. In his job description? Suited to his spiritual gifts and personality? Whim of the moment? I see two principles that are a starting place for setting boundaries.

The first is Love for the people God has given me to love. Jesus somehow knew that an action was worth a 1.000 words, and he knew that washing theses tired and dusty feet was an act of love, not only for immediate comfort, but for imprinting the Jesus Way in the hearts and minds of this followers. So I ask myself, particularly as a sometime leader of a group: what I am called to do for these folk that will point to the God we serve? what am I called to let them do for themselves? do I give then the space to grow into God’s story for themselves? what words and actions keep me entangled in their lives where I don’t belong? what kind of friendship is healing and freeing? and what kind is co-dependent, serving my own needs?

The second principle is an honest accounting of where I am with God in this moment. What has God given into my hands to do in this moment? only that and nothing more? Do I know where I have come from–the gifts and perspectives I bring? the hurts and slights and blind spots with which I still struggle? the biases and projections I carry? And do I know where I am going? what will be the outcome of this encounter if I make promises I can’t keep? Is this connection and involvement detrimental to my own spiritual or physical health? Am I out of touch with God’s intention for me today?

I have not answered the questions about boundaries that keep springing up in my spirit, but I have a starting place: Love and Truth in my inner being.

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