{"id":9094,"date":"2021-01-14T06:37:32","date_gmt":"2021-01-14T13:37:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/americanbuddhist\/?p=9094"},"modified":"2021-01-14T06:40:55","modified_gmt":"2021-01-14T13:40:55","slug":"standing-up-to-lies-can-america-emerge-from-trumps-abuse-and-gaslighting","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/americanbuddhist\/2021\/01\/standing-up-to-lies-can-america-emerge-from-trumps-abuse-and-gaslighting.html","title":{"rendered":"Standing up to Lies: Can America Emerge from Trump’s Abuse and Gaslighting?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

Four years ago, just after the inauguration of Donald Trump, I noticed a peculiar thing: the press had become unable to report his lies\u00a0as lies<\/em><\/a>. At the risk of mistakenly psychologizing an organization such as NPR, or a sector such as the entire US media, or a nation, I saw then that all of these were falling into a dangerous relationship with Trump and, more worrying, with truth itself.<\/p>\n

To all those on the outside of a relationship with Trump, the man is clearly a pathological liar, likely a malignant narcissist, an all around nasty human being that all would do well to avoid.<\/p>\n

Unfortunately, as happens with narcissists and abusers everywhere, people get sucked in. Narcissists and abusers become very good at developing power and wielding it to control others. Likely, most of us have encountered one or more of these people: a boss or potential boss, a partner or potential partner, a colleague, and so on. If we\u2019re lucky, we can get out of any relationship or quit the job if the narcissist\/abuser has authority over us. If it\u2019s a colleague or other person in our world, we can just keep strict boundaries (although we\u2019ll notice those boundaries being tested often).<\/p>\n

With Trump the allure for people has probably always been money, particularly easy money, and the status\/women\/stuff that goes with it. He doesn\u2019t come off as particularly charming or charismatic; more the kind of buffoon one would put up with for material and status gain.<\/p>\n

However, once you\u2019re putting up with him, the question becomes: how much is too much? As we\u2019ve seen from the past four years, many people have quit. Others, mistaking him for a non-narcissist, have stood up to him and were promptly fired. Unfortunately, everyone who has gone along with him in any way has added to his gravitas, allowing him to draw yet more people in and subsequently cause more damage.<\/p>\n

The greatest damage done by narcissists and abusers is a breakdown of\u00a0truth<\/em>. When they lie, their lies have to be reframed as mis-statements, misunderstandings, mis-construals or so on. The lie isn\u2019t their fault, it\u2019s ours. Or it\u2019s not a lie: they just keep repeating it until people around them nod in acceptance (think about the inauguration crowd size or countless others from Trump). In small groups, this is where you see families drift apart or co-workers quit. Living in a completely different reality<\/em> from those around you is exhausting.*<\/strong> Unfortunately, this has been America for four years.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s about to get a lot better. We\u2019re nearing the end of the break-up with Trump. This is when it can be the worst. For us in America, clearly it has been. This is when the fullest extent of the narcissist and abuser\u2019s manipulative powers come out. They will say and do anything to either win you back or destroy you<\/em>. So before it truly gets better, we could be in for a wild ride. People who have been convinced by Trump will go along with him and could lash out at the rest of us for as long as Trump holds sway over them. This is why media giants banning him has been so good: he\u2019s isolated, losing power, and lashing out<\/a>. Only now his destruction is more focused on those near him: Pense, Giuliani, aids and advisors, and so on.<\/p>\n

As for the rest of us? I think it\u2019s paramount to regain our hold on\u00a0truth<\/em>. It makes me hopeful that media organizations in the last month or so have been more forceful with fact-checking in real time anything coming from Trump or his closest allies. For a good historical overview, here is Timothy Snyder on the Daily Show discussing the way this leads to political tyranny:<\/p>\n