Study shows most Americans shouldn’t meditate: repress awful life events instead

Last updated on: April 28, 2016 at 9:51 am by Justin Whitaker

Study shows most Americans shouldn’t meditate: repress awful life events instead 2016-04-28T09:51:02-06:00 Justin Whitaker

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Lead author Willow B. England of Orange University in upstate New York describes why meditation has become an increasing malice to the American public. Her scientific research conflicts with the increasingly incoherent ramblings of French monk Matthieu Ricard, who says:

“Everyone would be helped by meditating for half-an-hour a day. Meditation is a very vague term and there’s a lot of cliché – like emptying your mind and relaxing and all that stuff. But it’s really a means to cultivate or be familiar with a better understanding of the way the mind works. Studies have shown that meditation combined with cognitive therapy can help people who suffer from severe depression and reduce the risk of relapse by up to 40 per cent.”

“No,” says Dr. England, “most people should just watch TV, have a beer or six, and avoid paying attention to any inner thoughts. Our study shows that when modern Americans look at their own minds and see how it works, they’re literally terrified. They see their shitty pasts, their shitty current circumstances, and their likely to be shitty futures, and some simply shit themselves. It’s terrible. Others turn their fear into anger, pointed mostly at immigrants, Muslims, and the poor. Those ones seem to do okay. And by “okay” I mean continuing on in their shitty lives without much further thought.”

Young person meditating. Studies show he would be much better off watching TV. © Miroslav Vajdić for openphoto.net

In the study’s innovative “Dark Knight” project, despondent participants were shown the recent Batman film to see whether Hollywood could still successfully manipulate the populace. Dr. England said it was a great success, noting that, “when people saw Bruce Wayne’s horrible misery and how he turned that into a perfectly well adjusted adulthood, they felt pretty apathetic and returned to their shitty lives.”

Dr. England tweeted her research results to the joy of meditation detractors worldwide. © Daniel Steger for openphoto.net

Sources:

http://www.esquire.co.uk/culture/article/4915/matthieu-ricard-what-ive-learned/

Update:

An earlier version of this story had the title, “Study shows most American’s shouldn’t meditate: repress awful life events instead.” What kind of idiot puts an apostrophe in Americans there? This kind, apparently. Apologies to readers emotionally scarred by the grammatical error.

(Note: While it is hoped that everyone reading this would deduce that it’s an April Fools joke, that might not always be the case.)

Humor

humor

Meditation

Previous Post

March 31, 2016

Mutuality at the Limits of Race - A Buddhist Perspective

Next Post

April 2, 2016 Buddhists for Bernie: a breakdown of our March US Presidential Poll

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Academia Activism American Buddhism Art Book review Buddhism Buddhism Today Buddhist Ethics Burma/Myanmar China Christianity Commodification Environment Gender Happiness Health Humor India Interfaith Islam Japanese Buddhism Kant Media / News Meditation mindfulness Photography Poetry Politics quicktakes Running Teaching Technology Thailand Theism/Atheism Theravada Tibet Tibetan Buddhism Travels Uncategorized Unitarian Universalism video Western Philosophy Zen

Select a Month June 2021 January 2021 November 2020 August 2020 July 2020 March 2020 January 2020 October 2019 August 2019 June 2019 May 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009 January 2009 December 2008 November 2008 October 2008 September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 September 2007 August 2007 July 2007 June 2007 May 2007 April 2007 March 2007 February 2007 January 2007 December 2006 November 2006 October 2006 September 2006 August 2006 July 2006 June 2006 May 2006 April 2006 March 2006 February 2006 January 2006 December 2005 November 2005 October 2005 September 2005 November 2004 September 2004 August 2004

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz