Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

altmuslim

Home
Muslim
A Mosque Story – When We Teach Defeat

A Mosque Story – When We Teach Defeat

Last updated on: December 11, 2013 at 5:14 pm by Guest Contributor

A Mosque Story – When We Teach Defeat 2013-12-11T17:14:24-04:00 Guest Contributor

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Photo courtesy of AIMISLAM website

By Zainab Khan

When I decided to move back home from college, the thing I feared the most was that I would not fit in with the local Muslim community. The first Muslim community I knew intimately and loved deeply was not the one I grew up with, so returning home was like coming to a new community altogether.

On my first day as a Sunday school teacher at our local mosque, I met a young volunteer (a senior in high school), Nora, who would be assisting the head teacher in kindergarten. Nora noticed that her name was not on the list of teaching assistants outside of the kindergarten classroom, so another teacher suggested she remove the list so that we could print a new one with her name included.

As we were preparing the new TAs list, a parent-volunteer walked into my classroom.

“Which one of you removed the sign from outside the kindergarten classroom?” he asked in an angry and accusatory tone of voice.

Nora replied, “Oh, I did.”

“What’s wrong with you? Why would you do that? Don’t do things you aren’t supposed to.”

“Okay, I’m sorry,” she replied timidly. The parent-volunteer walked away angry, but with a satisfied smirk on his face.

I was shocked, the poor girl – remember, she’s only 17 – didn’t even try to explain why she had taken the sign down. I remember thinking, “Wow, if I stopped by the masjid on an off chance in high school and someone treated me like that, I probably never would have come back.”

It Gets Worse

A few weeks later, the same parent-volunteer approached me and asked me to make use of a set of DVDs in class he had recently purchased as he didn’t want to see them go to waste. I asked one of my TAs, Fatima (a 14-year-old high school freshman), to grab a DVD about zakat (charity), since zakat was the theme of that Sunday’s class.

A few minutes after Fatima returned with the DVD, the same parent-volunteer walked straight into my classroom and shouted, “Who was it that took the DVD?”

Fatima responded, “It was me.”

He shouted angrily, “You brought the DVD without bringing over the TV? Really? YOU HAVE TO THINK. How are you going to watch the DVD without a TV?”

At this point, I interrupted him so as to distract away the attention from Fatima. “I’m sorry Brother, but I asked her not to bring over the TV right now because it distracts the kids from my lesson plan, they’re only in pre-k.”

Shifting his body to address me, he shouted, “Let me finish.” And then back again at Fatima: “Next time you better think.” Just like the first incident, he stormed back to the office with the same satisfied smirk on his face.

This was the second time the parent-volunteer acted like this within two weeks, which led me to believe this was a pattern of behavior rather than a few isolated incidents.

The next week, I spoke to another teacher about the issue and asked her if the parent-volunteer was always like this. Unsurprisingly, it took her all of ten seconds to figure out the volunteer I was speaking of. “Oh my god, he’s the worst! But I swear he’s gotten so much better. We [another teacher and the one I was speaking to] had such a bad time with him last year. His daughter was in our class and he would come into our class and straight-up yell at as for minutes on end.”

“Have you guys complained to the administration?” I asked. “I mean, the girls he’s bullying are literally children.”

“We tried talking to the administration a few times and they were just like, ‘Just ignore him.’ Apparently he’s like some super-volunteer and helps out with tons of things, so they don’t really do anything about him.”

“Wow,” I replied.

In both cases, the young girls didn’t bother to fight back, even though they were being yelled at for complete non-issues (taking a sign down for ten minutes? Not bringing over a TV?). The punishment – the public shaming – was so far removed from the non-infractions. It boggles my mind that any person thinks he can treat another person like this.

I’ve been mulling over this series of events for a few weeks now, and what worries me more than this man’s behavior is the defeated response I saw from his victims. All I can think is, “What are we teaching our daughters?” And the best answer I can come up with is, “We are teaching our daughters defeat.”

How Do You Teach Defeat?

You teach defeat by purposely shaming a 14-year-old girl in front of another teaching assistant, two parents and an entire 21-student class. To my four-year-old students, Ms. Fatima is an authority figure. I watched as their mouths literally dropped open as the parent-volunteer was shouting at her.

You teach defeat when gender discrimination is being impressed upon our 4-year-old daughters and sons. I cannot be teaching my students about manners in Islam one moment if the next they see that ignorance rules the mosque.

You teach defeat by allowing someone who helps out a few hours a week to singlehandedly ruin the mosque experience for dozens of young women. You teach defeat when you repeatedly tell complainants to just “ignore it” and “deal with it.” Why are we so afraid to call people out on their behavior in the very place where our character should be at its strongest?

You know you have taught defeat when the ones who stand up for themselves are the ones who were raised outside of the mosque. Funnily enough, both Nora and Fatima graduated from the same Sunday school they are now TAs at. How can we expect anything other than defeat from young women, who grew up seeing unnecessarily brutal behavior in their mosques since childhood?

In situations like these, instead of appreciating and praying for the future and well-being of the youth who are coming to the mosque, we are teaching them that it is better that their voices are never heard, and that they never will be heard. How is that an acceptable lesson to learn at the mosque?

It isn’t.

Zainab Khan is a recent graduate of Wesleyan University. Her interests include the South Asian and Middle Eastern diaspora networks, transnational youth movements, and more broadly, fashion and how it operates as a global discourse. You can follow her on Twitter @zaynman

Islamic Sunday School

Previous Post

December 4, 2013

Why I Participated in the 'Somewhere in America' #Mipsterz Video

Next Post

December 16, 2013 A Muslim Son Honors His Mother with Christmas Cheer

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category 2012 Elections 30 Dayd 30 Writers (2017) 30 Days 30 Writers 30 Days 30 Writers (2015) 30 Days 30 Writers (2016) 30 Days 30 Writers (2018) 30 Days 30 Writers 2017 Ali Asadullah Ali Eteraz Alper Bilgili Arthur Richards Asides Asma Uddin Black History Month Briefings Charles Turner Commentary Cyrus McGoldrick Eman H Aly Fatimah Popal Hajj Hajj and Dhul Hijjah Hesham Hassaballa Hisham Hellyer Ibrahim Abusharif Inas Younis Irfan Yusuf Jalal Baig Junaid Afeef Laila Alawa Laila Alwala Mas'ood Cajee Muqtedar Khan Nakia Jackson Newsmakers Parvez Ahmed Podcasts Rabia Chaudry Rafia Zakaria Ramadan Reviews Safiyyah Ally Saud Inam Shahed Amanullah Svend White The Opinionated Oncologist Visions Wajahat Ali Zahed Amanullah Zahir Janmohamed Zainab Khan

Select a Month November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009 January 2009 December 2008 November 2008 October 2008 September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 August 2007 July 2007 June 2007 May 2007 April 2007 March 2007 February 2007 January 2007 December 2006 November 2006 October 2006 September 2006 August 2006 July 2006 June 2006 May 2006 April 2006 March 2006 February 2006 January 2006 December 2005 November 2005 October 2005 September 2005 August 2005 July 2005 June 2005 May 2005 April 2005 March 2005 February 2005 January 2005 December 2004 November 2004 October 2004 September 2004 August 2004 July 2004 June 2004 May 2004 April 2004 March 2004 February 2004 January 2004 December 2003 November 2003 October 2003 September 2003 August 2003 July 2003 June 2003 May 2003 April 2003 March 2003 February 2003 January 2003 December 2002 November 2002 October 2002 September 2002 August 2002 July 2002 June 2002 May 2002 April 2002 March 2002

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What was the name of the blind beggar Jesus healed near Jericho?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Simon Cornelius Matthias Bartimaeus