Reconciling LGBTQ+ Family to Traditional Families of Origin

Last updated on: October 18, 2024 at 5:24 pm by Julie Nichols

Reconciling LGBTQ+ Family to Traditional Families of Origin 2024-10-18T17:24:18-05:00 Julie Nichols

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On June 26, 2015, gay marriage became law-of-the-land in the United States. On that date, 57% of Americans supported same-sex marriage. Today in 2024, 70% of Americans support same-sex marriage, including 55% of Republicans today (Pew Research). A 13% overall increase in nine years is significant. I fall within that 13% of Americans who realizes I was wrong and now realize how important full legal protections are for LGBTQ+ people. My awakening started happening in 2019 but more fully in 2021. Legal protections aren’t just about equal access to the benefits of legal marriage but about legal protections to keep LGBTQ+ family members safe, well, and eligible for equal opportunities as human beings.

Traditional and particularly patriarchal family structures of many kinds are now actually starting to include their gay family members and spouses/partners within the nuclear and extended families of origin. This includes but is not limited to traditional Hispanic Catholic families, traditional Caucasian Christian and/or culturally white conservative families such as traditional American military families, traditional Hindu/Indian families, and other types of more traditional family structures. Full inclusion of LGBTQ+ family members within nuclear and extended traditional family structures is significant because it has tragically not been historically the case.

Before I write more about this, here is a video of a traditional Hindu/Indian father who is speaking at his gay son’s wedding. This is beginning to happen in the types of traditional patriarchal families I mentioned although it is still not legal and accepted in some countries. Not only is it important for the relationship between the LGBTQ+ family members and their children; it is important for the lives and well-being of these family members.

(13)“It is not a defect. It is not to be cured.” At his gay son’s wedding,… | parag mehta dad speech | TikTok

In this video, the father admits his past fears about homophobia. I admit that I had them too. There is not greater love than a parent who places their child’s well-being first and sifts through the liberation in silence later. As a traditional Christian parent, I have fully reconciled my acceptance of my LGBTQ+ children and spouses/partners, but I am still reconciling my faith. I don’t think I will ever reconcile my religion, but I have already reconciled peace with God because I know His love is so much greater than any organized religion. The social justice wing of the Catholic Church and other progressives both religious and non-religious have taught me this.

How is it possible to fully-reconcile a gay family member to the nuclear and extended family of origin? The answer is unconditional love. Even if the extended family or members of the nuclear family don’t fully understand, it is best for them to be sweet, include the LGBTQ+ family members, and stay quiet until they learn more. If those non-enlightened family members want to learn more, they will in time realize that LGBTQ+ issues are life issues. This was certainly my journey.

Let’s review the positive and negative fruits of rejection and acceptance of LGBTQ+ family members according to the medical consensus and years of secular and ministry practice (source Freedhearts with some of my own).

When we look at the consequences (the “fruit”) of rejecting LGBTQ+ children in the family, religious communities, and society, we find depression, anxiety, self-hatred, shame, self-harm, substance abuse, separation, isolation, anger, serious mental illness, and even suicide.

But when we teach and model acceptance and full inclusion, the fruit is health, healing, love, joy, peace, self-acceptance, stable relationships, reconciliation, family unity, wholeness, and life.

Full inclusion of LGBTQ+ family members is about love above all else, but it’s also a matter of life and death.

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