Why I Must Move from Deconstruction and Anger Back to Love, Thankfulness, and Jesus

Last updated on: May 10, 2023 at 1:56 am by Julie Nichols

Why I Must Move from Deconstruction and Anger Back to Love, Thankfulness, and Jesus 2023-05-10T01:56:04-05:00 Julie Nichols

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I’ve spoken with so many Christians who have been experiencing journeys of deconstruction, including pastors and theologians. I am no exception. The day Trump mocked the disabled reporter in 2016 was the day that spontaneous deconstruction started for me personally, both spiritually and politically. This experience has varied for millions of people. For many of us, we’ve had to untangle and discard harmfully-applied theology and soul-crushing politics. I will admit, the pain of watching parts of the American Church participate with right-winged pending fascism has been unbearable to watch and experience. Even moreso, it has been unbearable to watch loved ones, ministers, parts of the Church, and those we’ve trusted replace Jesus with Donald Trump. The progressive shifts I’ve taken both theologically and politically, such as the ones in the featured picture, have continuously shifted since 2016 and really skyrocketed the day I started meeting parents of transgender children in Texas who have been fleeing for their lives as political refugees. I just don’t think I am able to shift and deconstruct anymore without breaking and crumbling. I want my faith and joy of life to rebuild. It starts with thankfulness. I truly believe that thankfulness is the foundational key that will unlock healing and restore my relationship with Christ and His Church.

I remember a time where I was less focused on current events and more on thankfulness for every breath and step, the day my doctors turned on my Deep Brain Stimulator for the first time after Parkinson’s neurosurgery in 2017. The political landscape wasn’t nearly as nasty in 2017, so it gave me a better state of mind to thank God for everything He had given me, every breath, every step, and of course, every person in my life, especially my beloved family. I know that the more thankful I am to God, the more I love Him. I want my thankful heart to be restored because that is who I am. I don’t want to be angry at our current state of affairs, the right-wing, and pending fascism. It’s just almost impossible not to experience and observe because it’s a live-time experience for those of us who live outside the upper 10%.

Maybe we could learn some from the Diary of Anne Frank and other stories of Jewish people who still kept thein faith during the Holocaust. Maybe as Christians we could learn from the teachings of the German Lutheran theologian named Dietrich Bonhoeffer who opposed fascism and the Holocaust. His fate was that of the Jews He defended in concentration camps. I guarantee that many of them had thankful hearts of faith and love of God regardless of their circumstances. I could certainly learn more from their examples.

I’ve decided that like the Jews during the Holocaust and Dietrich Bonhoeffer, I am just not allowing atheism and/or agnosticism to overtake my life and rob my relationship with God and my joy. According to a progressive Evangelical theologian named Jim Wallis, it’s time to reintroduce this Jesus to our American Churches. I want to be a part of this reintroduction. I think God has re-centered and re-established my spiritual core through all of the challenges I mentioned above. I want to see the Real Jesus again, not the right-winged Neo-Nazi Jesus.

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