Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
Progressive Christian
Religion News
Mike Pence To Run For President, Chooses Housefly As Running Mate

Mike Pence To Run For President, Chooses Housefly As Running Mate

Last updated on: July 19, 2022 at 7:31 am by Matthew Distefano

Mike Pence To Run For President, Chooses Housefly As Running Mate 2022-07-19T07:31:00-06:00 Matthew Distefano

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Carmel, IN – Former Vice President Mike Pence has decided he is going to run for the GOP nomination for President in hopes of becoming the 47th President of the United States of America. After pandering to the 45th President for over four years, which ended in his followers chanting “hang Mike Pence,” he has decided his best course of action is to again cozy up to the same Christo-fascists who called for his head during the January 6th riots.

But he is not going alone. On July 18, Pence announced that he is bringing on former television star, Gary the Housefly, as his running mate.

“Mike and I have been through a lot,” admitted Gary. “During those tumultuous times, having to listen to a woman put Mike in his place, I was there. I clung to him like a fly on shit.”

We were unable to reach the former vice president, but a spokesperson for his office had this to say.

“Mike has made the decision to bring Gary on for a number of reasons, the biggest being that he will appeal to a certain red-hatted crowd. We need to win back these folks if we are ever going to instill our principles. Gary, being the common housefly that he is, will really speak to these people and we should see a decent surge in the polls.”

Currently, Pence is 7th in early polling for GOP nominee, behind Donald Trump, Ron DeSantis, the My Pillow Guy, Dr. Oz, Herschel Walker, Rudy Giuliani, and former disgraced cartoon character, Pepé Le Pew. So, while it is a long shot for Pence to win, stranger things have happened. This is the United States, after all, where if we’ve learned anything, it’s that bullshit generally rises to the top.

(THIS IS SATIRE. BUGS DON’T TALK.)

Also, if you’ve been digging my work on here, and want to see me be able to continue writing as close to full-time as humanly possible, please take a look at my Patreon page at www.patreon.com/mjdistefano. Even $1 a month helps bigly!!!

About Matthew J. Distefano

Matthew J. Distefano is an author, blogger, podcaster, and social worker. He lives in Northern California with his wife and daughter You can read more about the author here. You can read more about the author here.

Previous Post

July 11, 2022

Republican AG Learns That Sodomy Includes Oral Sex, Changes Tune

Next Post

July 29, 2022 Life Lessons From A Grape

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Atonement Book Review Early Church Eschatology eternal torment Hell Hermeneutics LGBTQ+ Mimetic Theory Mysticism News Old Testament Podcast Poetry Politics Prayer Religion Sacrifice Satire Soteriology Theology Uncategorized Violence

Select a Month October 2026 September 2026 August 2026 July 2026 June 2026 May 2026 April 2026 March 2026 February 2026 June 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 June 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Four beasts rose from the sea—one like a lion with eagle's wings, one like a bear, one like a leopard, and a fourth terrifying beast. What did these represent?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Four judgments Four kingdoms Four kings Four ages

Books by This Author Books by All Set Free

See All Titles »