Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
Progressive Christian
Religion News
“10 Rules of Sex for Wives”: A Response

“10 Rules of Sex for Wives”: A Response

Last updated on: May 20, 2021 at 1:09 pm by Matthew Distefano

“10 Rules of Sex for Wives”: A Response 2021-05-20T13:09:53-06:00 Matthew Distefano

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

The other day, my man Derrick Day ironically shared to Facebook an asinine article called “10 Rules of Sex for Wives.” Here’s how it begins (bold font is my emphasis):

Hello Sir! I’m so glad that I found your site! It’s hard to find a Christian blog that is honest about sexuality and marriage. I wish that you had been around when I got engaged. I got married when I was only nineteen and had a lot to learn, it would have been really helpful to already have thought about all the things you teach. You actually got me thinking about the advice I wish I had gotten, and the things that I would have told my younger self and that I would tell young Christian girls who are going to enter into a faith based marriage these days. I hope you don’t mind me sharing what I came up with. I was lucky because my husband gave me strict rules to follow which helped me a lot. They are basically what I have written down here. Following his rules has led to a healthy sexual relationship and marriage.

~ Monica

Insane, am I right? Worthy of a rebuttal, though? Probably not. But perhaps. I’ll let you decide.

So, without further ado, here are Monica’s 10 rules and my comments to each.

I. “Obedience means complete obedience.”

Ladies, you are not dogs. You don’t need to be obedient, just like you don’t need our permission to not be obedient. In fact, sometimes I bet you feel like you need to flip some tables. Well, flip ’em! If societal structures are built to keep you down, flip that shit. Obedience is for the dogs, not for people.

II. “Your main pleasure from sex comes from you pleasing your husband.”

Actually, your main pleasure comes from your own pleasure. You’ve got a clitoris. You’ve got a G-spot. You’ve got countless other erogenous zones. And if your husband doesn’t know this, then he’s probably either selfish . . . or selfish.

III. “Remember that he probably needs a physical release to help him get through a hard day.”

This one may actually be true, but guess what? It’s not necessarily your job. He’s got a hand and trust me, he knows how to use it. If his day is so hard, he can take 5 minutes (or 30 seconds) to rub one out.

IV. “Your obligation is to submit to him.”

Oh, how men (as well as women who have been indoctrinated by men) love to talk about wives submitting to their husbands! Funny thing is that they also love to forget to mention the part about husbands submitting to their wives. Let me remind them now. Men, that passage in Ephesians talks about mutual submission. Look it up.

V. “You need to work your hardest to learn what he likes.”

Actually, you need to work your hardest to learn what you like. It’s his job to learn what he likes. This is what is called differentiation. As fully-functioning adults in long-term relationships, we need to stand on our own two feet before anything else. If we can’t do this, we run the risk of failure.

VI. “Embrace body modifications if your husband thinks they will enhance your beauty.”

I’m all for health and wellness. My wife and I workout a lot. We eat healthy. But we do it for ourselves and we do it the right way, unlike the sick and twisted way in which this rule is presented.

VII. “Dress the way that your husband instructs.”

Oh, puh-lease! Dress however you want. Chances are, you’ve got more style in your pinky finger than he has in his entire sock-and-Birkenstocks-American-flag-tee-shirt-wraparound-shades-visor-wearing dad bod.

VIII. “Your husband is your master.”

Unless this is some kink you’re into, no he’s not. End of story.

IX. “Sometimes your husband will need to punish you when you fall short of his expectations.”

Please, please, please do not permit punishment. If your husband punishes you, then you are in an abusive relationship. Seek help. Get out of that situation. Here’s the link to the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Their number is 1-800-799-SAFE.

X. “Be your husband’s sexual pet.”

Marital rape is a real thing. Don’t stand for it. Same rules apply for “rule 9.” Get out. Seek help. There are resources and hotlines. Use them.

With all that being said, allow me to, in my own words, reframe Monica’s original message to the jerk who writes for “biblicalgenderroles.”

Hello sir! I’m so appalled that your site exists! It’s too easy to find a Christian blog that is sexually and emotionally abusive. I wish your site would crash. I got married when I was only twenty-one and had a lot to learn; it would have been really helpful to meet with an actual Marriage and Family Therapist instead of the so-called Christian counselor we spoke with. Anyway, your site is laden with horrible advice, and I’m sickened by the fact that you counsel Christian men and women in any capacity. I don’t care what you think about my article (or anything for that matter). I refuse to give my wife strict rules to follow because if I did, I would be an asshole. Further, following these rules would lead to a failed marriage.

~ Matthew

If you wanna get to know me better, please follow me on social media. I’m pretty active on all platforms:

Also, if you’ve been digging my work on here, and want to see me be able to continue writing as close to full-time as humanly possible, please take a look at my Patreon page at www.patreon.com/mjdistefano. Even $1 a month helps bigly!!!

About Matthew John Distefano

Matthew is a best-selling author, blogger, podcaster, long-time social worker, and hip-hop artist. He is an outspoken advocate for nonviolence, happily married, with one daughter. Outside of writing, his interests include gardening, hiking, and European football. He lives in Northern California You can read more about the author here.

Previous Post

May 19, 2021

Theology Matters

Next Post

May 24, 2021 The Absurdity of Hell

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Atonement Book Review Early Church Eschatology eternal torment Hell Hermeneutics LGBTQ+ Mimetic Theory Mysticism News Old Testament Podcast Poetry Politics Prayer Religion Sacrifice Satire Soteriology Theology Uncategorized Violence

Select a Month October 2026 September 2026 August 2026 July 2026 June 2026 May 2026 April 2026 March 2026 February 2026 June 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 June 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What is the Christian attitude toward one's enemies?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Mock them Fight them Love them Ignore them

Books by This Author Books by All Set Free

See All Titles »