How I Repented From My LGBTQI+ Stance

Last updated on: November 27, 2017 at 1:48 pm by Matthew Distefano

How I Repented From My LGBTQI+ Stance 2017-11-27T13:48:21-06:00 Matthew Distefano

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Courtesy of Pixabay

Courtesy of Pixabay

Last month, many in the LGBTQI+ community, as well as those who identify as allies, celebrated Coming Out Day. As most of us are probably aware, coming out can be a momentous occasion, but it can also be quite terrifying. And I can understand why: those who are more religiously-inclined tend to shun and scapegoat any and all who are not heterosexual—with God on their side of course—and even those who stand in solidarity with non-heterosexual folks. So needless to say, coming out can be quite the stress-inducing situation in our current culture (and most cultures that have preceded ours).

While I grew up in a family that was more hospitable toward the LGBTQI+ community, they were still in that old, religious mindset: “Love the sinner, hate the sin.” To that end, it is no wonder that this was the same exact worldview that was handed to me at an age I can no longer recall.

Now, I don’t blame anyone for giving me this view. Indeed, my parents and probably their parents before them were given the same view at an age they can probably no longer recall. And I’m sure the intergenerational regress could go on and on for millennia.

Nevertheless, I’m thankful that I see things differently now—much differently! In fact, my life’s journey has been such that I now tend to be one of the more boisterous voices in the theological community who champion for the full-inclusion of LGBTQI+ folks. Go figure, right?

So, what changed for me?

In brief, it started by actually listening to those around me who weren’t heterosexual. Novel concept, isn’t it? Instead of simply listening to what my straight pastors, or straight parents, or straight Bible study leaders had to say, I started listening to what gay folks had to say. I started listening to what bi folks had to say, and what queer and transgender and those who aren’t classified by any of these labels had to say. I started to actually hear them, and, wouldn’t you know it, I actually started to show some empathy.

And then one day it just sort of dawned on me: How could I call something “sin” in another’s life that wasn’t sin in my own? How could I tell two loving, gay friends of mine that what they were doing was sinful when I was doing the same thing with my non-gay girlfriend (who is now my wife)? I couldn’t!

This made me feel like Saul of Tarsus on the Damascus Road. My whole paradigm shifted. And I’m so glad that it did, for it has caused me to be much more loving, much more empathetic, much more gracious, and much more forgiving than I had ever been before.

Before, I could so easily denounce the behaviors of others because, like any good fundamentalist, I had God on my side. His Book was clear. I could just pluck out any of the clobber passages I wanted, denounce “sins,” and then claim it as the loving thing to do. After all, I was helping them change their ways so that perhaps they wouldn’t burn in hell forever. I know, horrible, right? But it’s where I came from and so has its place in my story. I may not be proud of it, but have certainly learned a thing or two from the whole experience.

So here’s the rub: As long as we are constantly holding our beliefs loosely—rather than clinched with white knuckles—we will get to where we need to go. I’m convinced of this. Even if we begin our journey in the most religiously oriented way, we, like the Hebrew prophets, can muddle out of it and find the light.

We need each other though. Indeed, we need to learn from all sorts of unique individuals. During my process out of fundamentalism, if it hadn’t been for the love the LGBTQI+ community showed toward each other (and to me!), I’m not sure I would have found the light as of yet. I’m certain that I would have had a come-to-Jesus moment sooner or later, but perhaps it would have taken a lot longer. And who knows, I may have harmed more people than I already had with my bad theology. And I call it “bad theology” because any theology that brings death to others is not a theology worth having. Our theology needs to bring light and life to others, it needs to bring love, joy, peace, and all the other fruits of the Spirit (Gal 5:22–23). I hope more and more people come to see this as the truth.

At the end of the day, what matters most—especially for those who profess trust in Jesus Christ—is how we love. Jesus summed up the whole of the law and prophets by telling his followers to love God and their neighbor (Mark 12:30–31). To that end, if we are going to love our LGBTQI+ neighbors, we ought to start by accepting how God made them, not being so quick to judge, and by always welcoming them in to the great banquet table our Lord has set before us all. Should we fail to do this, should we fail to show them love simply because of who they are, then we’ll fail to love others as Jesus loves them. May we be the embodiment of love. Shalom, my friends.

Previous Post

November 21, 2017

Heretic Happy Hour, Episode 7: The Elephant in the Room

Next Post

November 30, 2017 Heretic Happy Hour: The Journey Thus Far

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Atonement Book Review Early Church Eschatology eternal torment Hell Hermeneutics LGBTQ+ Mimetic Theory Mysticism News Old Testament Podcast Poetry Politics Prayer Religion Sacrifice Satire Soteriology Theology Uncategorized Violence

Select a Month October 2026 September 2026 August 2026 July 2026 June 2026 May 2026 April 2026 March 2026 February 2026 June 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 June 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Who was Aquila's wife?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Mary Lydia Priscilla Ruth

Books by This Author Books by All Set Free

See All Titles »