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Are You an Outsider

Are You an Outsider

Last updated on: April 14, 2015 at 6:06 am by Kristy Robinett

Are You an Outsider 2015-04-14T06:06:17-06:00 Kristy Robinett

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“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.”

Helen Keller

“The one person that should have loved me no matter what didn’t think I was worth the fight. She didn’t think I was worth any love, and I don’t want to give her the time now.”

The lady in spirit hung her head in shame as her daughter explained their tumultuous relationship. “It’s true, I did everything wrong. She’s right. After Cara’s father left me, my best friend was alcohol. I hurt so badly and I couldn’t stop. Okay, I didn’t want to stop and feel.”

“Excuses,” Cara cried. “She was always filled with excuses! Wasn’t I worth more than the bottle? I felt like an outsider in my own family!”

“My drinking was suicide and I know that now. Please tell her I’m sorry.” Cara’s mom asked and then disappeared.

“Is she just sorry for herself or for what she did to me and all that loved her and wanted to be loved by her?” she asked me between sobs.

It was a question I couldn’t answer, but I knew what she felt like. I had not been in her very situation, but we’ve all felt like the outsider, haven’t we? It hurts. Many times there isn’t explanation and we’re left with a lot of pain that needs to be released.

I grew up in Detroit. I saw and communicated with spirits. I went to a Lutheran school where that wasn’t excepted, nor was it excepted in my own home. Was an introvert and horribly shy. Had a sick mom. Oh, and I could go on and on just as we all could, but it came down to that I felt alone. I felt like an outsider, yet not even knowing what the inside was or who was graced to be in the in.

I remember my parents taking me to a new church in a wealthy suburb. As they went to Bible study they had me go to Sunday School – something I admit I didn’t like no matter what the church, but especially in a new place. When the teacher asked me to state my name and where I lived and I answered Detroit, the classroom erupted into laughs, including the leader. I was mortified and ran out, hiding in the bathroom until it was time to meet my parents. But that moment was just one in a million times where I felt like an outsider. I was never embarrassed or ashamed as to who I was or where I lived or who my parents were, though. And none of those examples of feeling on the outside changed me, instead they helped me understand myself and others. It wasn’t until later in life I realized being an outsider wasn’t a bad thing. I just had to let go of what was expected. It hurts to let go. Sometimes it seems the harder you try to hold on to something or someone the more it tries to get away.That is when you have to move through and stop avoiding it.

I know so many of you who have hurt hearts and the voice within you saying you don’t have any strength left to keep going. I’ve been there, face planted in the carpet, soaked with tears and a hurt heart that burned. You might be thinking of giving up and giving in. I’m telling you that it can be okay. That you are worth it.

And that being on the outside isn’t a bad thing at all because there are other outsiders to help comfort and who understand. You have to focus on you and invest in people worth investing in; situations worth investing in. And when you feel especially lost, keep telling yourself that it’s not your monkeys, not your circus, and to stop entertaining the clowns in your life.

Cara came back to see me about two years later.

“Is my mom here?”

I nodded yes.

“I’d like to talk to her now. I realized that I was becoming her, just without the alcohol. I was avoiding, or trying to avoid, my life scars and hers too.”

Cara didn’t forget, but instead gave herself time to pause and contemplate. It was then she was able to conquer and come to terms with what happened. It helped her move through and move on.

Do you feel like the outsider? It’s okay to be different. It’s okay to have scars. It’s okay to be comfortable in your own skin. It’s okay to let go of past anger. It’s okay for you to have desires. It’s okay to be an outsider. After all, we’re the ones that get the fresh air. The rain sometimes too, but the storms pass and we get rainbows as a reward.

When people make you feel unwanted, don’t leave to make them feel sad or guilty, they won’t. Leave because you no longer have a reason to stay. Sometimes you have to be strong for yourself. What’s meant to be will end up good and what’s not – won’t. Love is worth fighting for, but sometimes you can’t be the only one fighting. At times, people need to fight for you. If they don’t, you just have to move on and realize what you gave them was more than they were willing to give you.

– Unknown

Believe,

Kristy Robinett

www.kristyrobinett.com

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