Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

A Happy Medium

Home
New Visions
Lutheran Moms are Sluts

Lutheran Moms are Sluts

Last updated on: September 22, 2013 at 5:01 am by Kristy Robinett

Lutheran Moms are Sluts 2013-09-22T05:01:00-06:00 Kristy Robinett

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

My husband and I were just minutes late for the beginning of my son’s Friday night soccer game only to discover the field saturated from the morning’s storms and the bleachers on the Home side completely filled. Discarding our Michigan State University chairs and blanket as neither was an ideal seat due to the circumstances; we found a seat on the Visitor’s side. I am typically well behaved. Whether that is my nature or my Lutheran upbringing, or both, I tend to keep quiet and bite my tongue even in uncomfortable situations. My husband, on the other hand, not so much. I blame his Catholic upbringing for that one. Joking. Kind of. But seriously, he is a Pisces who says what is on his mind, when it’s on his mind, and doesn’t care what anyone thinks. Too many times to count I have cowered and covered my face, wishing to be anywhere but there. If only Dorothy really had some home-girl shoes – I would be the first in line to buy them seeing as there have been many situations I have wished I could blend in to the wallpaper.

“This is the Visitor side,” I reminded Chuck as we grabbed a seat.

“So? It will be okay,” he reassured me, but whether psychic or not, at that moment I wasn’t convinced.

On my left sat a father who had two little kids who were recklessly bouncing up and down the bleachers. Twice they bumped into me. Hard. And I bit my tongue. Hard. To the right of me was Chuck and next to him and one row down was a 40ish year old woman with long dark hair, a cell phone to her ear most of the time and when she wasn’t gossiping to this person or that person and making plans to meet for drinks every day of the week, she was discussing (loudly) to a pretty girl who was a Junior in high school on how Harvard or John Hopkins were awful choices of schools because they weren’t in safe areas and Bowling Green and Central Michigan were much better for her.

I laughed under my breath and glanced over at Chuck who was staring the lady down.

“Yes, because Central Michigan has never seen any crime,” he replied to her conversation. But either she didn’t hear him, which baffles me, or she ignored him, which was more than likely what happened. I elbowed him and he yelped with a “What did you do that for?” to which I just shook my head and whispered for him to behave and watch the game.

The kids next to me continued to jump up and down off the metal bleachers and at one time took a heavy ball and began bouncing it next to me. Over and over, and over and over again, despite my glares at both them and the father. It wasn’t until the girl screamed in pain from the boy strangling her when the father turned around and told them that he would kill them both, looked back on the field and screamed about a call he didn’t like and yelled, “I hope your kids slip, fall and hurt themselves.”

Nice. My typical closed mouthed-self was starting to deteriorate quickly.

The lady’s phone jingled once more and she again didn’t make her conversation quiet.

“We are playing the Lutherans,” she laughed into her phone. “Yep, Lutheran moms are sluts.”

I choked and started to cough. Did I really hear her right?

“You okay?” Chuck asked me.

I only nodded because I knew he would say something, or do something even worse.

The lady laughed again. “I hate Lutherans,” she said into the phone.

Just then the rain clouds released a down pour of the wet stuff and she ran to the car.

I sat in awe under our umbrella as the rain came down.

“There, now you can fall down,” the father yelled back to the field after our team scored the third goal.

“Let’s go to the car,” I told Chuck, blaming the rain and the winds.

As Chuck and I walked side by side under the umbrella towards the car, I wondered out loud what team it was. At first I thought it was a Baptist school, because you know those Baptists can be reckless like that. Joking again. But my son later told me that it was a Prep school from a nearby wealthy town.

No matter who it was, or what religion they practice, if there even was a religious affiliation, it made me incredibly sad. I believe that what we see we do and we become. If what I witnessed is any indication of the majority, then we are in trouble. And I wonder how many more people think Lutheran’s are sluts and what exactly about being a Lutheran makes it so.

When I got home from the game I spent some time saying prayers for those I encountered that day, and asked God to save the Lutheran sluts too.

Oh, and the hated Lutherans won the game too. Just more reason for them to hate.

Previous Post

September 21, 2013

A Haunting We Will Go

Next Post

September 30, 2013 October Energy Scopes

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Book Reviews Client Stories Full Moons motivational New Moon Oracle Paranormal Podcasts Spirit Visits Uncategorized

Select a Month October 2024 June 2024 February 2024 January 2024 November 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 December 2022 June 2022 April 2022 March 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 September 2021 July 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What did Solomon famously judge between"two women and what disputed item?

Select your answer to see how you score.

A ring A sheep A house A baby