Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
Pagan
Queer of Swords: A Prayer for Compassion Toward Z Budapest

Queer of Swords: A Prayer for Compassion Toward Z Budapest

Last updated on: September 11, 2014 at 2:02 pm by Sarah Thompson

Queer of Swords: A Prayer for Compassion Toward Z Budapest 2014-09-11T14:02:38+00:00 Sarah Thompson

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Honoured elder,

I love you unconditionally.

I surrender to your compassion.

I forgive you.

I feel your pain, your anger, your hatred. I acknowledge your struggle. Yet, though you stick me, I do not bleed. I react, without attachment, only in beauty, in truth, and in love. I offer you a flower, to accept, or not, without expectation of reciprocity.

I pray for your healing, and I pray for the comity of your lineage.

Blessed be.

I was inspired to write this prayer in 2012 after running a session at Pantheacon during which I and others worked to get the Dianic community talking to the trans community. As some of you may remember, 2012 was really the last year when significantly bad things happened at the convention. 2013 and 2014 were mercifully absent of trouble. Sadly, Z Budapest seems to be trying to deliberately incite another fight, this time calling out Pantheacon vistors who are involved in the kink community:

“I think we have everything a large group normally has. mentally ill males, made up rules about “having to have sex with them”, exploiting women especially since we are the orphans without a good Goddess Mythology,.

At Pantheocon there are all the Fetish addicts, from nazi outfits to chained women, whips used ,makes me throw up. As an Elder I am appalled how there is no way to stop them short of blowing up the whole thing. There is a guy who sais he is having sex with corpses.”

Her entire post in context can be found here: http://imramma.com/2014/08/paganism-this-umbrella-is-broken.html#comment-5599

Full disclosure: I am transgendered, and though I identify as asexual, I have been involved with the kink community and have many friends who are active in that world. I will not, however, take Budapest’s bait.

“… blowing up the whole thing.”

Words like these tend to get people visited in the dark of night by people whose fetish wear is adorned by FBI logos. I do not regard this as a serious threat, and I would hope that the authorities see this for what it is – the frustration of an elderly woman, not a threat of serious violence.

Reflecting on the last few years, it is pretty clear now that the orthodoxy with respect to trans acceptance has flipped completely. The former trans-hostile default is no longer seen as acceptable in public discourse. Putting it rather more bluntly, the trans-exclusionary radical feminist community, of which Z Budapest’s lineage was and is a part, has lost. Though victory is undeclared, the new orthodoxy was not won by the patriarchy – rather, it was won by the new feminism that embraces all women.

Trans acceptance in major media has exploded in recent times. Netflix’s original series Orange is the New Black has given Laverne Cox (http://www.lavernecox.com/) unprecedented breakout success, providing a platform that has never previously existed. Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival, a decades old battleground in the fight for trans acceptance, has lost many major performers due to its long-held anti-trans policies. Even the USCIS now recognizes transgender status in processing immigration applications, including for asylum claims. I am legally female, undisputedly so, in all of Europe and in the USA. All of this has happened in my lifetime. Most of it has happened since I transitioned 20 years ago. Much of it has happened in the last two or three years.

After fighting for our right to exist as normal human beings for so long, it can be difficult to accept that we have won. Winning doesn’t mean that everyone accepts us, or that our horrific murder and suicide statistics have somehow been magicked away. There are battles still to fight and rights that still need to be claimed. But, importantly, the orthodoxy is now with us, not against us.

The same kind of feminism that inspired the hatred of trans people that has mired our community all these years has also, though perhaps a little less publicly, simultaneously been committedly against kink in all its forms. Since the kink community tends to be very secretive, with very few public-facing spokespeople, this may not have been on many people’s radar, but as Budapest’s outburst shows, there is considerable animosity there still.

Kink looks very different on the inside than it does on the outside. It’s not hard to see why someone might think it was a very frightening, damaging thing, with people being horribly abused and even injured for other people’s kicks. From the inside, nothing really could be further from the truth, but I suspect that the reason for this disconnect is that consent tends to be invisible from a distance. Something that looks like torture to a third party might quite likely be the best time someone’s ever had. Kink practitioners describe what they do as playing – this language is extremely apt, and captures the idea of joyful consent very well.

Kink is wired into the DNA of post-Gardner neopaganism. Though Gardner himself never really admitted to an interest in kink, the Wiccan initiatory rights are replete with kink imagery, even though relatively few of us go much beyond implementing this at a symbolic level. It’s fundamentally part of what many of us do on a regular basis as Pagans, whether or not we choose to acknowledge that directly.

The trans community has won. The kink community would probably prefer a little more public acceptance, but it never really was significantly affected by the protests of the second wavers in the first place, so there is not even any need for it to declare victory. To both communities, however, I urge you to win graciously, to accept what you’ve hard fought, and also to come to terms that there are people who will never truly tolerate or accept you. Even though someone is acting toward you without compassion, this does not rob you of your right to keep your own compassion or your right to act compassionately toward them. Compassion does not require approval of someone else’s viewpoint. That’s what makes it compassion!

I strongly urge people not to take Z Budapest’s bait. Let her be. She’s old, she’s demonstrably wrong, and she’s lost. Though she will most likely carry her convictions to the grave, it serves no one to do battle over this. Rather, pray for her. Pray for her lineage. Pray for the cessation of harm, and that all parties will be able to find the greater compassion together.

Blessed be.

Queer of Swords is published on alternate Thursdays. Subscribe via RSS or e-mail!

Columns

Love, Sex & Relationships

Previous Post

September 10, 2014

Alone In Her Presence: Choosing Love Over Fear

Next Post

September 12, 2014 The Zen Pagan: Wild Naked Pagans

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category A Lakeside Hearth Adventures in Wortcunning Alone In Her Presence Arts, Crafts & Cooking Birthing Hereditary Witchcraft Book of Blackbirds Book Reviews Born-Again Witch Cauldron, Sword, Spear, & Stone Cermony and Liturgy Columns Community Dandelion Seeds Dear Jasmine Druid Thoughts Editor's Picks Everyday Pagan Family & Household Practice Family Traditions Full Frontal Magic Gateway Goddess Guest Articles Happily Heathen Health and Wellness Hearth of Hellenism Heathen Woman Hills of the Horizon History Holidays Horse Goddesses Interfaith Interviews Irish-American Witchcraft Jewish Witch Lamp & Labyrinth Letters from Midgard Literature, Media, Film, Music Loop of Brighid Love, Sex & Relationships Magic or Magick Making Light Naturalistic Traditions Nature News Outside The Circle Pantheisticon Politics Prayers, Poems, Blessings & Stories Queer Femme Mystic Queer of Swords Recipes Ritual and Practice Science and Research Seekers and Guides Seeking the Grail Socially Responsible Magic Spear of Athena Star Made Witch Syncretic Electric Technology The Blooming Staff The Busy Witch The Cartomancer The Crow's Nest The Dance of Pagan Recovery The Hearth of Hellenism The Lady's Quill The Other Side of the Hedge The Path of She The Rantin' Raven The Witches Next Door The Zen Pagan Theology, Ethics, Philosophy Tree City Witch Urban Earthwitch Wayfaring Woman Witch on Fire Wyrd Words

Select a Month January 2026 March 2025 December 2024 June 2024 April 2024 March 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 August 2023 July 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What did Ezekiel cook his food over as a sign of coming judgment?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Stones Cow dung Wood Ashes