How NOT to Have Sex with Your Boyfriend

Last updated on: June 28, 2016 at 4:04 pm by Cynthia Schrage

How NOT to Have Sex with Your Boyfriend 2016-06-28T16:04:28-04:00 Cynthia Schrage

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Don’t take anything for granted: Be. On. Guard. Things that might be non-issues for you in normal interactions with someone you might find problematic with a boyfriend. Sure, you can have the cable guy into your home and be alone with him and it’s, like, no big deal (I hope). Having your beau over, alone, is a completely different thing.
Have a plan: Make it a point to check out as many attractions as possible in your area. Find. Things. To. Do. Having sex is the easiest way in the world to kill time, and, especially early on in the relationship, it kills your drive to learn more about each other. Eventually (because no one can have sex forever, regardless of how appealing that seems at the beginning), you’ll have to deal with this person. Knowing what they’re like makes that much easier. So, develop some hobbies if you don’t have them. We’re both Catholic writers (which equals broke), so we went to the park. We went to the mall. We went to the zoo, the art museum, and Barnes & Noble. We went to Mass (three times), to Adoration, we prayed the Rosary. I showed him the sights. Fort Wayne is not that large, and I was strapped for ideas, so we even went to the cemetery. (That turned out to be quite a bit more pleasant than you would think. Beautiful grounds, lots of birds and shady tree-lined drives for walking.) We played cards. We read to each other and listened to music. However, going to Mass was the first thing we did, and we did it every day Scott was here. I really believe this set a tone for the weekend.
Hang out with people: Don’t be alone too much. This should also be a no brainer, but it was really hard for me not to invite Scott into my home. However, I live alone, and I was realistic enough to realize that once he was in the house, it would be a lot harder to get him out, especially since that’s not only against my nature, but was against my considerable desire.
Stay in well-lit places: D’oh. Don’t go parking along dark streets, don’t nuzzle up in a movie theater, etc. etc. You get it.
Stay vertical: Does this really need further explanation?
Keep your clothes on: As Hercules Mulligan quips in Hamilton, “It’s hard to have intercourse over four sets of corsets.”
No sexting: And really, no face-to-face or telephone conversational dalliance. (I shouldn’t even have to mention pictures.) It’s really hard to not get hot and bothered when that special someone is whispering into your entirely eager ears exactly what he’d like to do with you when you’re alone somewhere. I learned this the hard way. It took years of learning. Just don’t.

And here is one tip that might seem a bit contrary, given that it’s usually used to plan or avoid pregnancy.

Learn NFP: Learn the rhythms of your body and its signs. I cannot even begin to tell you how valuable it was to know that I was ovulating the weekend Scott visited. He wore a coat and tie to Mass and looked so irresistible that I was nearly overcome. “Overcome? By a sport coat and tie?” Dear readers, I was ovulating. Honestly, he could have been in a torn T-shirt and I would’ve found him appealing. I am especially given to sinful behavior when I’m ovulating, so realizing that was at least part of my responsiveness to Scott helped me be more on guard.

For the first time in my life, I am running towards Heaven. I am not ashamed. I don’t have to go to Confession after a date. After what has now been five dates. God is good. I am not.

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Want Scott’s perspective? Find it here!

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Sources:
Image credit: detail of The Fall of Man by Pieter Paul Reubens and Jan Brueghel the Elder, accessed 6/22/2016
1 http://www.reclaiming.org/about/witchfaq/charge.html, accessed 6/8/2016
2 Divine Mercy in My Soul, Saint Faustina Kowalska, Section 40

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