How to Successfully Say No

Last updated on: March 25, 2013 at 1:58 am by marcusbrotherton

How to Successfully Say No 2013-02-19T17:33:14-07:00 marcusbrotherton

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Think of all the times when it would be swell to decline a request that comes your way.

Sure, sometimes you absolutely can’t say no. Like, when your boss dumps a mammoth-sized stack of paper on your desk and says get to work or you’ll be fired. Or when you’re watching football on TV and your wife goes into labor.

But a lot of life revolves around unessential queries that come our way.

Can you attend a function that you’re not interested in?
Can you serve on a board where you’re not even sure what the organization does?
Can you volunteer for an event when you’re already overcommitted and simply want to spend one evening per week sitting on the couch watching reruns of Matlock?

What then, conscientious citizen? How do you gracefully bow out?

People tell you to lie. Sure. Make up some excuse that doesn’t really exist. But there are serious ethical problems with that option, not to mention the problem of getting caught. Like, you tell somebody you’re going to be somewhere else, but then he shows up at the other place for some strange reason and doesn’t find you there. Yeah, it happens.

Another option is always to tell the hard truth. I mean, the hard, hard truth. No, I don’t want to be at your party because you smell like stale cheese. Although the truth is almost always the best option, sometimes the hard truth lands you into more hot water, not less.

So … enter the courteous solution.

It’s truthful, and used the world over by everybody from high-powered executives to highly-harried volunteers. It’s polite yet effective, and its use will successfully excuse you from of a myriad of unsought situations.

Two simple steps are involved.

1) Genuinely thank your requester.

and

2) Strategically ask permission to decline the offer.

The first step is important. It’s also sincere. The person would not have made a request of you unless he thinks you can add value to a situation. It’s an honor to be asked. Never forget that. The person has probably risked something to pose a request to you. He becomes vulnerable to being turned down. Which you are indeed about to do.

The second step is strategically polite. When it comes to living your life, you’re not actually seeking the other person’s authorization regarding what you can or cannot do. But the phraseology sets up your response as gracious, not harsh. And that’s what you almost always want when declining a request—to preserve the relationship.

So here’s how it looks in action.

REQUESTER: Hey, can you do XYZ?

YOU: Oh, thanks for thinking of me for that. Would it be okay if I said no this time?

Do you see the gratitude phrase? And do you see the permission phrase?

Congratulations, countrymen, you’ve just successfully said no.

Question: What other polite-yet-effective ways have you found to say no?

Parenting

Previous Post

March 21, 2013

The Disadvantages of Having Wealthy Parents

Next Post

March 26, 2013 Why You Chose Your Spouse

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Book Giveaway Book Review Bullying Career Christmas Church devotion Discipleship Donald Miller Drugs & Alcohol Easter eternity evangelism Family food giving thanks God humor James H. Pence Jonathan McKee Leadership love Marcus Brotherton marriage masculinity men's ministry men's studies movies music Parenting Pastoring patriotism persecution pilgrim politics pop culture Prayer Prison Ministry prosperity religion Saul secularism sex Social Media Television Thanksgiving Uncategorized women Worship youth culture

Select a Month December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

In 1 John, how do we know what love is?

Select your answer to see how you score.

God first loved us God sent his Son Jesus Christ laid down his life for us The Holy Spirit teaches us