Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
Evangelical
Relationships and Religion
Jesus was not Manipulated by Anyone. He Knew when to Move on

Jesus was not Manipulated by Anyone. He Knew when to Move on

Last updated on: September 10, 2026 at 8:19 pm by Adrian Warnock

0 Comments

Jesus was not Manipulated by Anyone. He Knew when to Move on 2026-09-10T20:19:19+01:00 Adrian Warnock

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Move on! Drop the negative influence! Cancel the crazy ones in your life!

That is not the call of Jesus, but it is the call of our modern culture. Jesus commands us to love not just our neighbors, but also our enemies. I never thought I would have enemies. It all sounds a bit dramatic but, as life goes on, you might find there is a group of people who you have offended in one way or another. Some of mine were quite right to be upset by me. Sometimes I have said or done things that I hugely regret. And as much as it is easy to make excuses for myself, “I was sick, nobody understood” or, “But I didn’t mean to hurt you, I was just trying to help you.” The truth is that I am probably worse than my critics think I am. But enemies? Having enemies is no fun, let me tell you.

And of course, some people have upset or disappointed me along the way. Most of them probably do not know who they even are. Some of them didn’t support me the way I felt I needed support when I was sick. Many cancer patients talk about feeling like their friends have run for the hills. Sometimes, though, when people don’t reach out to the suffering it is because we do not know what to say, and assume that you are getting lots of care and support from elsewhere. Or our own fear of suffering and potential death makes us uncomfortable at the risk of piercing the armor of denial that so many use as a coping strategy to help us face the uncertainty of living in a broken, fallen world.

Help when Relationships Become Distorted a discussion about Stefan Liston’s new book

Watch the video of the conversation this article is based on, or listen wherever you get your podcasts.

https://link.amazon/B0cBJJsP3

My Review

This unusually shaped book with an intriguing title helps us understand that running away from all relationships as soon as they become even a little bit difficult is not the path to freedom. Nor is simply tolerating an unhealthy relationship, never challenging bad behavior until it becomes unsafe or even abusive. This book explores the lies and distortions that can damage all our relationships including with our partner, family members, work colleagues, and fellow church members.

Discover how all too often relationships are a tool our enemy uses to destroy our peace, stoke our selfishness and pride, and twist the truth, and how if we do not put in the work needed with our relationships we will end up trapped in loneliness and unable to exercise the oneanothers that form a crucial part of the body life Jesus is calling us to.

Years of pastoral experience and his own relational pain has taught Stefan Biblical wisdom that this book is designed to pass on so we learn to truly follow the Jesus who was not manipulated by anyone, never intimidated, but was totally submitted to God, gentle, lowly and loving to everyone He ever met.

Stefan is part of the leadership team for

Relational Mission

A part of Newfrontiers

Find a Newfrontiers Church in the UK

Look for a Newfrontiers church in the USA

I promise you every relationship, whether it’s with a family member, friend, member of your church, work colleague, or neighbour will hurt you at some point if you allow it to develop beyond the superficial. And as a result so many don’t allow anyone to get close. Or when they do, and it does start to be difficult, they simply one day head quickly to the exit door. Dumping a friend or loved one seems easy when you can just suddenly block them one day, and do not even have to explain what went wrong first.

And yet Jesus says shocking things like this:

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?” (Matthew 5:43-48, NIV)

One way I have heard this kind of teaching applied is with the idea of “extra grace required” people. These are the people, perhaps in your small group at church, who might not be your enemies but something about them niggles you. The preacher describes some of the things that might wind you up about someone and calls, not just for tolerance, but acts of kindness. Then, just as you are not expecting it, they turn the tables and say, “what makes you think some people here are not thinking of YOU when we talk about this?”

Rather than rushing to cancelling, Jesus calls us to forgive others:

“Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.” (Matthew 18:21-23, ESV)

In the parable that follows Jesus makes the point that if you really know you have been forgiven yourself you will forgive others. And yet we often like to imagine that we haven’t done anything wrong. Then, as I say instead of forgiveness and reconciliation we nurse bitterness and reject people. As Stef said

“I’m noticing this increasing sense of black and white thinking. People are so jumpy around any relational dysfunction. I’m trying to pull people back from that and say, listen, I’m a bit odd, you’re a bit odd. First of all, let’s determine the difference between sin and strangeness. We’re all a bit strange. Let’s just bear with each other. Not rebuke each other for that.”

James puts it in a beautiful way:

“The wisdom from above is first pure, then peace-loving, gentle, compliant, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without pretense. And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who cultivate peace” (James 3:17-18, CSB).

But there is another side to all this. Sometimes, through no fault of our own it is simply not possible to be fully reconciled to someone. Paul explains,

“If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18, CSB)

Stef also discussed the fact that people will not always listen to our appeals for understanding and change:

“Then there are issues where there’s bad behavior that needs speaking into. Again, it’s a plea for courage, that we would learn to do that and do that well, to help one another grow. I think if someone is behaving badly and when you try to speak to them about it they won’t listen, it’s hard-heartedness. They won’t even consider it. They’re defensive straight away. There’s no sense of humility and being able to say, “Okay, I need to reflect upon this.” If all you get back is resistance, then I think the relationship does become something potentially dangerous. You need to recognize that this person is really not listening.

Christian relationships ought to be relationships where there is a sense in which we sharpen one another, and that’s normalized. We don’t spend every day rebuking each other, of course not. There should be loads of encouragement. But part of what encouragement does is build a bridge for the difficult conversations. Then when they happen, there’s a sense in which we’re hearing one another, we’re reflecting before God, we repent, we get right, and the relationship gets stronger. I think that’s a beautiful picture.

What you don’t want is a scenario where someone is being repeatedly, habitually wronged and the person who’s doing that doesn’t care, or keeps swerving responsibility, slipping out of accountability. Then it becomes this horrible relationship where someone is genuinely being abused one way or another. That is a different thing. You’ve got to take action in those relationships because otherwise people can come to great harm.”

This wisdom from Stefan is very consistent with the famous words from Jesus:

“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector” (Matthew 18:15-17, NIV).

Jesus is well aware that there are some truly dangerous people around, and he is very strong about them:

“But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to fall away—it would be better for him if a heavy millstone were hung around his neck and he were drowned in the depths of the sea.” (Matthew 18:6, CSB)

So the point where we may consider cancelling is this. When it is unsafe to continue, or when the person is refusing to listen. Although said in the context of people rejecting the gospel Jesus’ words also apply here:

“If anyone does not welcome you or listen to your words, shake the dust off your feet when you leave that house or town.” (Matthew 10:14, CSB)

Sometimes we imagine that Jesus was some kind of pushover. And yet that is far from true. We see a remarkable incidence of Jesus presence and refusal to be abused and killed before his time:

“Jumping up, they mobbed him and forced him to the edge of the hill on which the town was built. They intended to push him over the cliff, but he passed right through the crowd and went on his way” (Luke 4:29, NLT).

Somehow, without creating a scene Jesus was able to leave the situation. This is a model for us to follow in resisting those who would do us harm, though it can be incredibly difficult. As Stefan Liston said in the interview that prompted this article:

“One of the things I love about Jesus is that he was manipulated by no one. He was intimidated by no one. The way he expressed what we would call agency was phenomenal. Yet he was the most submitted to God and humble person. I think it’s a wonderful image of what we’re to reach for. Submitted to God, godly, humble, all of those things. But actually, I’m not going to be messed around with by people who are bent on damaging habits.”

Coming Soon

An Authentic Narrative In Modern English: The Conversion of a Rebellious Slave Trader

https://link.amazon/B078oi57Y

Updated by Adrian Warnock

Preorder Now

Also included in a larger compilation of John Newton’s writings

Amazing Grace: How Faith Grows in the Human Heart

Subscribe here for my latest thoughts and launch team news

For article notifications only, subscribe through Patheos.

Amazon links on this page are affiliate links, which means without costing you any more money, I receive a small commission for any sales.

General Christian

Relationships and Religion

Family, Parenting and Religion

About Adrian Warnock

Adrian Warnock

Medical doctor · Published author · Patheos writer since 2003

I have always lived within sixty miles of London, UK where I studied, worked and worshipped for thirty years. I began writing for this Patheos blog in April 2003, making it one of the longest-running individual columns on the Christian Internet. My writing here, on Substack, and in my books is influenced by my medical training, eight years of working as a psychiatrist in the UK’s National Health Service (NHS), eighteen years working in medical research in the pharmaceutical industry, twenty-five years of serving as a pastoral leader in a growing multicultural church, and a difficult decade of lived experience with chronic illness, including blood cancer, and the unexpected losses, including early retirement, that resulted.

Together, these all shape a biopsychosocial-spiritual approach which I first wrote about on Patheos in 2013. This model offers us hope, compassion, and healing in all life’s challenges. This holistic approach is based on the idea that all truth is God’s truth.

At times, since my illness, my faith has been faint. I wondered if this was the end of my story. I was not strong enough to live for Jesus the way I wanted to. I could not change myself. And then hope reminded me: The resurrection of Jesus changes everything. Just not all at once. Healing takes time. Compassion and patience sustain us over a lifetime of change. I aim to approach suffering with hope and compassion, and address tough questions including:

What does Jesus’ resurrection mean for you?

Raised With Christ: How the Resurrection Changes Everything (Crossway, 2010; 2nd edition, Amazon, 2025)
Why is change so difficult? What causes the resistance?

The Traitor Within: Understanding and Healing Our Deceitful Hearts (Amazon, 2026)
Why is change so slow? How does grace lead us over a lifetime?

Amazing Grace: How Faith Grows in the Human Heart (Amazon, 2026)
How do you become a Christian? Can you know if you really are one?

Hope Reborn: How to Become a Christian and Live for Jesus Co-authored with Tope Koleoso (Christian Focus, 2014)

Qualifications

I qualified with an MB BS from the University of London (equivalent to an MD in the United States), hold postgraduate qualifications in psychiatry (MRCPsych) and pharmaceutical medicine (MFFM, DipPharmMed), and took theological training courses run by Newfrontiers.

Connect With me

Substack: adrianwarnock.substack.com (the best way to ask questions)
Twitter/X: @adrianwarnock
Facebook: Adrian Warnock
Email: [email protected] (I may not be able to respond to every message)

Previous Post

August 23, 2026

Spirituality Does Belong in Healthcare: How to Truly Care

Next Post

September 13, 2026 Thank God Atheists Do Not Live By Their Worldview

Recent Comments

0 | Leave a Comment

"Atheism is no more a single worldview than theism is a single worldview. Both however ..."

Erp

Thank God Atheists Do Not Live ..."

"Athiests believe in love, most reject God because of the God depicted in the old ..."

Patrick Dennis

Thank God Atheists Do Not Live ..."

"Have a read of some history, and you will find that your views are not ..."

Adrian Warnock

Thank God Atheists Do Not Live ..."

"You act like Christians invented basic human decency. Here's a news flash: Humans thrived for ..."

EarthGrowl

Thank God Atheists Do Not Live ..."

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category 1 and 2 Corinthians 1 and 2 Thessalonians 1 and 2 Timothy 1 John 300 Leaders A Life of Joy Abortion Acts of the Apostles Adrian on radio Adrian on TV Adrian's Story Albert Mohler Amazing Grace Arminocalvinist Spectrum Assurance Atonement Atonement Series Attributes of God Barnabas Best of the Blog Bible Bible Software Bible Translation Biblical Inerrancy Billy Graham Bob Roberts Books C. J. Mahaney Calvinism Cessationism Charis Warnock Charismatic Spectrum Charles Simeon Charles Spurgeon Church Leadership Colossians Complementarian - Egalitarian Spectrum Complementarianism Conferences Culture Daniel Debates Deuteronomy DGM08 DGM13 Discernment Doctrine Don Carson Ed Stetzer Eddy Leo Ephesians ESV Bible Translators Interview Evangelism in a Post-Christian World evolution Exodus Expository Preaching Ezekial Faith and Feelings Family Florida Galatians General Genesis Get Wisdom - Proverbs sermons Gifts of The Holy Spirit Gifts of the Holy Spirit 2006 Global Faith Forum Godly Attitudes Gospel Gospels Grace Greg Haslam Grudem vs Piper: The Baptism Debate Healing Heaven Hell and Rob Bell Hebrews Henry Tyler Henry Warnock Holy Spirit Holy Spirit Baptism Hope Reborn Hugh Palmer Irresistable Grace Isaiah J. I. Packer Jack Hayford Joel Joel Warnock John John Lanferman John MacArthur John Newton John Owen John Piper John Smyth Jonathan Edwards Josh Harris Justification Justin Taylor Kenneth Ulmer Leadership Leadership Lessons from 1 & 2 Samuel Lex Loizides Liam Goligher Lig Duncan Limited Atonement Lou Fellingham Mark Dever Mark Driscoll Martyn Lloyd-Jones Matt Chandler Mental Health Missionary Methods: St Paul’s or Ours? My Story N. T. Wright Nehemiah NWA08 NWA09 NWA10 Opinion OT History Books Pentateuch Personal Personal Revival Philippians PJ Smyth Podcast Politics Preaching Prophecy Proverbs Psalms Raised With Christ Reformed Charismatic Regeneration Relationships Resurrection Resurrection & Salvation Revival Rice Broocks Rich Man and Lazarus Rick Warren Rob Rufus Roland Allen Romans Sam Storms Sanctification Series Sermons Sermons on Philippians Serving Jesus at Work Sexuality Sin St Paul Steve Chalke Strange Fire Suffering T4G T4G Statement TAB09 Tamasin Warnock Teamwork Terry Virgo The Atonement Debate - Chalke book The Soulwinner The Spirit-Filled Church The Traitor Within Theologcial Spectrums Theosis Tim Challies Tim Keller Titus TOAM06 TOAM07 TOAM08 TOAM09 TOAM10 TOAM11 Todd Bentley Tope Koleoso Total Depravity Video Water Baptism Wayne Grudem Worship

Select a Month October 2026 September 2026 August 2026 July 2026 June 2026 May 2026 April 2026 March 2026 February 2026 January 2026 December 2025 November 2025 October 2025 September 2025 May 2025 April 2025 January 2025 November 2024 October 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 August 2023 May 2023 April 2023 February 2023 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 August 2021 May 2021 April 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 January 2019 December 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 June 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 June 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009 January 2009 December 2008 November 2008 October 2008 September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 August 2007 July 2007 June 2007 May 2007 April 2007 March 2007 February 2007 January 2007 December 2006 November 2006 October 2006 September 2006 August 2006 July 2006 June 2006 May 2006 April 2006 March 2006 February 2006 January 2006 December 2005 November 2005 October 2005 September 2005 August 2005 July 2005 June 2005 May 2005 April 2005 March 2005 February 2005 January 2005 December 2004 November 2004 October 2004 September 2004 August 2004 July 2004 June 2004 May 2004 April 2004 March 2004 February 2004 January 2004 December 2003 November 2003 October 2003 September 2003 August 2003 July 2003 June 2003 May 2003 April 2003

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What does the rider of the White Horse in Revelations carry?

Select your answer to see how you score.

A sword Scales A scroll A bow

Books by This Author Books by Adrian Warnock

See All Titles »

Jesus was not Manipulated by Anyone. He Knew when to Move on

Move on! Drop the negative influence! Cancel the crazy ones in your life!

Help when Relationships Become Distorted a discussion about Stefan Liston’s new book

Watch the video of the conversation this article is based on, or listen wherever you get your podcasts.

Read more about Avoiding the Hall of Mirrors on Christian Book Finder

My Review

Stefan is part of the leadership team for

Relational Mission

A part of Newfrontiers

Coming Soon

An Authentic Narrative In Modern English: The Conversion of a Rebellious Slave Trader

Updated by Adrian Warnock

Preorder Now

Also included in a larger compilation of John Newton’s writings

Amazing Grace: How Faith Grows in the Human Heart

Subscribe here for my latest thoughts and launch team news

Adrian Warnock

What does the rider of the White Horse in Revelations carry?