PARISH REPORT: 3-Parish Trade Involving All-Star Altar Server Gets Diocesan Approval

Last updated on: February 21, 2016 at 9:36 am by Larry D

PARISH REPORT: 3-Parish Trade Involving All-Star Altar Server Gets Diocesan Approval 2016-02-21T09:36:51-05:00 Larry D

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

(AoftheA News) BISMARCK – The Diocese of Bismarck approved a blockbuster trade of altar servers and draft picks among three diocesan parishes, with one analyst calling it a “game-changer”. The centerpiece of the trade is 3-time All Star, 12-year old Landon Patterson, regarded as the diocese’s top-rated altar server, and among the top-25 nationwide.

The three parishes involved are St Jeter in Wilton, Our Lady of Free Throws in Minot, and St Brady in Bismarck. Patterson, a 4-year veteran of St Jeter’s, was sent to St Brady’s along with a 2016 third round draft pick, for three servers and a 2016 first round pick. St Jeter’s also sent 9-year old rookie server Nick Kinnison to OLFT for a 2016 second round pick, while OLFT traded the Olsen twins to St Brady’s for journeyman server Phil Thompson. This will be Thompson’s sixth parish in his nine-year career. St Brady’s also threw in an afternoon Mass lector to OLFT at the last minute to seal the trade.

“I’m excited about going to St Brady’s” Landon said. “I’ve enjoyed serving at St Jeter, and I love the fans, but to be honest, it’s a small-market team. I’m ready for the big time in Bismarck. Plus, St Brady’s post-Mass doughnuts are the best anywhere.”

“This trade is a game-changer,” analyst Vince Clortho told AoftheA News. “It makes St Jeter’s so much stronger in the long run. Sure, they give up a phenom in Patterson and a 3rd round pick, but they get three solid, dependable servers in return, plus a 1st round pick. Next year’s draft class is projected to be very strong and deep. Patterson is going into the final year of his contract, and he’s gonna command a hefty raise – it would have busted St Jeter’s salary cap. And getting a 2nd round pick from OLFT in next year’s draft sets them up for continued success.

“St Brady’s is sacrificing the future for the present by landing Patterson. Getting the Olsen twins shows that their pastor wants to win now. He’s going to have a tough off-season with Patterson’s expiring contract, but it’s a rich parish. OLFT was certainly the loser here. It’s hard to believe Thompson will be all that committed, and Kinnison will be expected to pick up a lot of the slack now that the Olsen’s are gone. Maybe they have plans to sign a couple free agents in the off-season.”

The trade is contingent on each server passing routine team physicals. It’s being reported that Nick Kinnison cried as he left the sanctuary after Mass and informed of the trade, but felt better when his parents promised him a puppy.

Image Source via Flickr [Creative Commons]

News That Could Be True

Parish Report

Previous Post

November 11, 2015

PARISH REPORT: Church Purchases Drones For EMHC Delivery To Shut-ins

Next Post

November 20, 2015 An Idea For The Pew Research Center

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Abortion All The World's A Blog And we Are Merely Posters American Catholics AoftheA Public Service Announcement Bible Bishops Caption Contest Catholic Blogs Catholycs Crossfit Culture Eucharist Faith Gospels Heaven And Hell Holy Days Of Obligation Huffington Post Humor Lent Literature Liturgy Marriage Mary Music National Catholic Reporter New Evangelization News Parish Report Parody Patheosi Politics Pope Benedict XVI Pope Francis Prayer Pseudo-Science Puns Sacraments Saints Satire Say Hello To Our Robot Overlords Science Sin Is Still Sin Snark So-Called Same-Sex Marriage Sports St Pope John Paul II Technology Television The Crazy Right Wing Bible The Progressive Bible Things Not Said In Scripture Thoughts Uncategorized Vatican Video Womynpreests Year of Mercy

Select a Month January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Who said, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life"?

Select your answer to see how you score.

James Peter Paul John