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Love in the Hardest Seasons: God's Grace for Caregivers

August 13, 2025 by Tom Sugimura

Caregiver

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Caregiving requires love, and love requires sacrifice. Dr. Robertson McQuilkin spent over twenty-five years caring for his wife, Muriel. Yet as her Alzheimer’s progressed, he realized that he could no longer retain his role as president of Columbia Bible College and Seminary. So, he made the choice to love his wife “in sickness and in health.” He made this sacrifice not out of duty, but out of love. And his resignation speech was one of the most powerful testimonies of marital love. Couples all over the nation were impacted by his story to renew their marriage vows.

Dementia and Alzheimer’s impact more than just the person afflicted. It is a trial for spouses, families, and friends as well. 15 million people across America provide an estimated 17.4 billion hours of care each year (about one-third of them doing this work alone). Imagine adding a full-time job to the busyness of your present life—70 hours a week on average. Then, realize the person you’re caring for is in decline both physically and mentally. You observe unwanted changes in their behavior and personality. The progression is slow, but without the hope of significant recovery. Soon, you become afraid to leave them on their own. All this depicts how life is hard in a fallen world.

Caregiving for others involves a life of service which often goes unnoticed. Health insurance rarely covers all the physical and emotional costs. And no one ever speaks about the relational burdens of dealing with difficult family members.

What do you do when other siblings refuse to help? How do you focus on your career or caring for your own young children?

Caregiving takes a tremendous toll, and often incurs a spiritual cost as well. We neglect to spend time in the presence of God or the fellowship of his people. We forget our Savior’s faithfulness in the moments of our exhaustion. We lash out at others, even the person we’re caring for when life threatens to overwhelm us. Like the memory loss of dementia, we forget the faithful God. For this reason, God’s Word must also speak to caregivers.

We have already addressed hope for those with dementia. But how does God’s Word sustain the caregiver?

First, realize that God hears your groaning. When you are weary and exhausted, grieving a loved one’s decline, or dealing with the physical aches and pains of caregiving, know that God hears your groans even when words might fail. God knows that you live in a fallen world and wants to hear your prayers.

Second, reflect upon God’s grace in unexpected places. Your care models the example of Christ and fulfills your created purpose to love the Lord and others through sacrificial service.

As Paul writes, “Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God” (Ephesians 5:1–2).

Love means giving of yourself to serve the one in need. We might be tempted to grumble and complain—to ask “Why me?”—to throw up our hands in exasperation. Yet Jesus did not respond that way to us when we could not help ourselves. When we were wallowing in sin—deserving God’s wrath, Jesus gave his life for us. He loved us sacrificially and showed us how to be a servant. He washed our feet so that we might wash the feet of others (John 13:12–17). Therefore, we love not out of duty or obligation, but because God first loved us (1 John 4:19). No sacrifice we make could ever be greater (Philippians 2:3–7).

So let us put on Christ’s humility when we find ourselves answering the same question for the third time in a row; or waking up at night to find our loved one wandering about the neighborhood; or laboring for years without any mention of thanks. Serving others with humility teaches us to grow in grace.

Third, trust the strength of Christ in the midst of suffering. Christ is our caregiver who humbled himself to serve our needs. So, as we lift our loved one into the bath, recall how Jesus washed us clean of sin. As we clothe them, remember we are adorned with Christ—as a new creation. As we make their meals and clean up messes, consider the provision and protection of our Lord. As we prepare a room for our loved one to stay, heed the promise of Jesus, “In my Father's house are many rooms” (John 14:2a). As we spend many hours with our loved one (unsure of when our next respite will come), recognize how Jesus never left us alone, even providing the Spirit to help us when he returned to his Father in heaven. His grace is new every morning and he gives us bread each day.

“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble” (Matthew 6:34).

Remember, though, that you are just a human caregiver, not the Savior. Only the sacrifice of Jesus is sufficient to save. So don’t forget to rest in God. Stop and pray throughout the day. Realize when you’re overloaded and practice self-care for your own sake and for the person you are helping. Humbly accept when others offer respite and cling to such moments of gratitude. You cannot draw water from a well that is dry.

Most importantly, review the gospel every day, for the good news also applies to caregivers. Your loved one is cared for by the sovereign God, even as they endure momentary suffering. They are an image-bearer—God’s precious child, even as the effects of the Fall decay their frail body.

For Christ promises to redeem this fallen world and to resurrect broken bodies. He promises an eternal destiny where sin and suffering are no more (Revelation 21:3–5). Remember also, that God created you with purpose. Some may minister to thousands, while you are ministering to one. But your sacrifice is no less important in the eyes of God, for your serve the King of kings (Colossians 3:17). When you serve your loved one, you are actually serving Christ (Matthew 25:35–40).

In yourself, you have limited time, resources, and patience. You are trying to balance a job with your marriage and family. The person you care for is progressively getting worse, requiring more strength that you don’t have. And they cannot even show you gratitude. So, you must return time and again to the Lord who forgives your impatience and carries you in your exhaustion. He has shown you an example of washing the feet of others. And he points you to that glorious day when both you and the person you love will enter an eternity of worship. So, for those of you who serve as caregivers, thank you for being Jesus to others.

Then, trust that God’s grace is sufficient for each day and that, some days, God may need to grant his grace with an extra measure.

8/13/2025 8:36:08 PM

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About Tom Sugimura

Tom Sugimura is a pastor-writer, church planting coach, and professor of biblical counseling. He writes at tomsugi.com, ministers the gospel at New Life Church, and hosts the Every Peoples Podcast. He and his wife cherish the moments as they raise their four kids in Southern California.

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