What Does The Bible Say About Marriage?

by Alonzo Gaskill

a married couple outside of church

The first sacrament of the Church instituted by God was the sacrament of marriage. According to the Bible, in the Garden of Eden (and at the beginning of time), God instituted marriage as the covenant relationship He desired for His children. Thus, one of the very first commandments given in the biblical text was this: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24) Indeed, the Proverb says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” (Proverbs 18:22) And yet, statistics show that the world is moving away from marriage. However, there is no evidence that God has moved away from this crucial commandment—first delivered to Adam and Eve, and then articulated repeatedly throughout the biblical text. Though the Bible has dozens and dozens of verses about marriage, here are some of the most instructive ones.

In the Book of Deuteronomy, the Lord commanded: “Thou shalt not plow with an ox and an ass together.” (Deuteronomy 22:10) Why? Because hooking a donkey and an ox up to the same plow would cause them to pull unevenly and, consequently, plow in circles. It would be unproductive. Drawing on this Old Testament commandment, and speaking to believers, the Apostle advised: “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” (1 Corinthians 6:14). In other words, Paul was advising those who believe to not get themselves into a marital relationship with someone who does not believe; not because the non-believer is a “bad person.” Simply because the two of you will pull each other in different directions, you’ll not be equally yoked on the things that matter most, and the relationship will (in many ways) be unproductive.

In the Book of Ephesians, men are counseled: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:25) Paul was drawing on a metaphor of Christ as the Bridegroom and His Church (male and female) as His bride. Jesus gave the utmost for the Church, and Paul then invites men (though this is applicable to both genders) to give everything for one’s partner. Marriages do best when each partner puts their spouse first. Whenever one or both acts selfishly, the marriage struggles—and sometimes is doomed.

So, Paul uses Jesus’ love for each of us to lay out a pattern as to how we should love our spouse, treat our partner, and how we should put our husband or wife’s needs before our own. The making of a good marriage always has these principles at its core. Of course, Paul is not saying allow an abusive spouse to take advantage of you and allow him or her to use and abuse you. The Apostle’s counsel comes in the context of a healthy marital relationship and two people who desire to make their marriage better and their spouse even happier. Neither Paul nor Jesus would ever condone an abusive relationship. Thus, the Apostle Peter advised, “husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman…, so that your prayers may not be hindered.” (1 Peter 3:7) Peter is not only commanding partners to be “understanding” and treat their spouse with “honor” or respect, but he is also reminding an abusive partner that “your prayers [will be] hindered” if you are abusive. In other words, one of the surest ways to cut yourself off from God is to abuse your spouse. God will not tolerate such behavior!

As already pointed out, so much of the Bible’s counsel on relationships (though directed toward one partner) is applicable both to the husband and the wife. The following proverb is no different: “Better to live on the edge of a roof than with a contentious woman in a large house.” (Proverbs 21:9) While we all assume we’re right, or that our way of living, parenting, budgeting, or whatever, is the “right way,” this ancient biblical proverb reminds us that we can destroy a marriage by being a “contentious” partner. Contention is “inspired” or caused by the spirit of the devil. God’s spirit never provokes us to contention. Thus, if we engage in contentious behavior with our partner, we not only damage the marital relationship, but we also lose the Spirit of God, and the approval of our Father.

There are numerous passages in the Bible which command or counsel us to avoid divorce, except in rare circumstances. The biblical text’s many teachings about the sanctity of marriage and the undesirable nature of divorce can be summed up by these two verses: “A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives”—and he is likewise bound to her for the duration of their lives. (1 Corinthians 7:39) Like Paul, Jesus taught, “at the beginning God created man and woman, and [commanded] that a man should leave his father and mother, and be forever united to his wife. The two shall become one—no longer two, but one! And no man may divorce what God has joined together.” (Matthew 19:4-6) Thus, the Bible’s position is that marriage is sacred, and God (from the very beginning of mortal time) intended it to be a permanent union between the believing husband and wife.

Here’s some timely counsel for the world today, when “immorality” has become a term that many see as antiquated and prudish. In Genesis 2:18, God declared: “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” (Genesis 2:18) Consequently, in the Book of Hebrews, we read: “Have respect for marriage. Always be faithful to your partner, because God will punish anyone who is immoral or unfaithful in marriage.” (Hebrews 13:4) While “hellfire and damnation” speeches tend to motivate no one, the author of the Book of Hebrews felt that a society that lost “respect for marriage” and, therefore, were comfortable engaging in what Christ deemed “sexual immorality,” was on the brink of destruction.

In the seventh chapter of 1 Corinthians, the Apostle Paul gives some counsel about marriage that many today will see as provincial. Nonetheless, Paul (responding to some issues members at Corinth had raised in a letter to him) counseled that, in order to avoid sexual immorality, men and women should marry. (1 Corinthians 7:1-9) Paul is not implying that marriage is solely for sex. Indeed, he highlighted (in his epistle to the Saints living at Ephesus) the need to sacrifice on behalf of one’s spouse. (See Ephesians 5:21-33) Nonetheless, Paul was not naïve. He understood the human sexual drive, and the risks it posed to those without strong self-control. Thus, Paul simply indicated that marriage, for all of its purposes, also met or addressed this biological need.

The Bible is filled with counsel about marriage, its importance, and its central role in God’s purpose for the world and those He sends here to inhabit it. Marriage is the first institution God established, the only one He commands to never be dissolved, and the one He emphasizes the most that we need to fight to preserve. While the Bible never says that those who have not married are rejected by Him, it does repeatedly say that those who choose marriage should do all in their power to sacrifice for it and love unconditionally in it.

Bible Verses about Marriage

Genesis 2:24: "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."
Proverbs 18:22: "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord."
Deuteronomy 22:10: "Thou shalt not plow with an ox and an ass together."
1 Corinthians 6:14: "Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?"
Ephesians 5:25: "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her."
1 Peter 3:7: "Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman..., so that your prayers may not be hindered."
Proverbs 21:9: "Better to live on the edge of a roof than with a contentious woman in a large house."
1 Corinthians 7:39: "A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives"—and he is likewise bound to her for the duration of their lives.
Matthew 19:4-6: "At the beginning God created man and woman, and [commanded] that a man should leave his father and mother, and be forever united to his wife. The two shall become one—no longer two, but one! And no man may divorce what God has joined together."
Genesis 2:18: "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him."
Hebrews 13:4: "Have respect for marriage. Always be faithful to your partner, because God will punish anyone who is immoral or unfaithful in marriage."
1 Corinthians 7:1-9: Counsel about marriage to avoid sexual immorality.

3/1/2024 5:44:44 PM

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About Alonzo L. Gaskill, PhD

Alonzo L. Gaskill is a Professor of Church history and doctrine. He holds a bachelor's degree in philosophy, a masters in theology, and a PhD in biblical studies.